I’ve gotta stop reading the Sydney Morning Herald… or at, the very least, LOML has to stop sending me such thought-provoking articles. Monday it was the redhead thing, yesterday it was the women working part-time thing. Goodbye ‘light hearted, easy on the eye’ post, heeeeellllo ‘WTF?’ post.
The article proposes that because more Australian women work part-time, we lag behind the rest of the world in terms of equality on the domestic front. In Denmark (darn those pesky Scandanavian cousins that seem to get everything right!) the women mainly work full-time and both partners share the bulk of domestic responsibility. Here in Australia, with many of us working part-time, we’re left picking up the domestic slack as well as beavering away at our working responsibilities. So, they conclude that the less a woman is at work in her job, the more likely she is to be scrubbing the floors or looking after children at home.
Cough. I’m just not sure how working full-time is going to help mothers improve this work-life balance. What did I miss? I work part-time (4 days per week, Wednesdays at home) so I can spend more time with my children. So, if working part-time means I’m ‘working harder’ at that, then I’m very happy indeed. And hats off to mothers who take the ‘no-time’ approach and focus on their home and raising their children. I think the researchers who made some of these conclusions seem to have forgotten that ‘childcare’ is actually what’s involved when you have children. Caring for children is kinda why we had them!! How can going out to work full-time possibly give you more of that sort of quality of life?
Contrary to popular opinion, the self-cleaning house is still a few years away. So doing the chores is part of the ‘life’ in work / life balance whether we like it or not. It’s the same amount of work involved whether we work full, part or no-time. And (just quietly as I may get shot for saying this) at my place the reason the woman does the bulk of the housework is because the woman demands the bulk of the standards.
So, how can women working full-time give us more time to spend with our children and enhance our lives exactly? Comparing Australia with other countries and then assuming that work sits outside of cultural differences doesn’t help anyone. Why not suggest that everyone starts working part-time instead? Because it there’s one thing I agree with the research findings about, it’s that both the men and women of Australia could do with a bit of a re-think on the hours they devote to their bosses!
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Mrs Woog says
I stopped working as a marketing manager in the publishing industry (full on job) when I had my second baby who was diagnosed with a hearing loss when he was 2 days old. It was the best thing to happen to me as it forced me to stop chasing my tail and relax a bit while working by butt of getting him talking. He starts school next year so will dip my toe back in then.
fairchildstreet says
Pre baby I worked full time as a HR manager. I went back to part time work when he was 2. I was trying to do a full time job in 3 days. Last four years work 2.5 days close to home in a nice admin job and no stress. The country may need us full time but what about developing well rounded adults to be part of the world. Everyone is forgetting about the child and the adult they are to be. Men worked too much and have realised it and now spend time with the family. Why do women need to be like men. Everything goes around in circles, in another 20 years we will be reading about women cutting back on work to spend more time with the family. As for Denmark that is a whole different culture. Be true to yourself and your family. Charmaine
Eastlyn and co. says
Wow, Maxabella, this is a loaded blog! Seems like everyone is talking about SAHM vs working outside of the home moms. Mama M at http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com feels that moms need to stay home full time. She had over 50 comments on that post. I do not pretend to understand the reasoning behind working full time creating more time with your family. In my American experience, even mothers who work full time outside of the home still wind up doing the majority of the work on the domestic front, too. Some women have supportive spouses who help with diapers, and dishes and cooking and homework, etc., and I’m not discounting them. That’s just not MY experience. I always wanted to be a SAHM, and my husband supports that. However, it has been a financial struggle since early on. I am about to re-enter the workforce full time for the first time in 12 years (3 12-hour shifts per week), and to be honest I am scared to death about finding that balance. The extra income will mean my kids get to see more of their dad whom they don’t see all that much now because he works so many hours. I will see less of them all, and that makes me sad. For me, staying home and seeing kids off to school and picking them up in the afternoons and fixing special after school snacks and homemade dinners were all things I loved about being a SAHM. Once we crawl out of some of the debt we’ve created and finance some much-needed repairs around the house, maybe I’ll be able to cut back to part time. I did not wish to go back to work, but I feel like I have to for financial reasons to help support my family that way, too. I probably didn’t answer half of your questions, but I’ll close for now. Thanks for making me think.
Nomie says
Ah the Scandanavian cousins! Yes more women do work full time in these countries, they also have a social system in place that allows for this…. men & women have 2 years payed parental leave EACH so a child has a parent at home full time for four years. They also have much higher standards of education ( and I’m talking about education from birth) than we do (I work in early childhood I’m not teacher bashing – oh and I call all people who work in long day care, kinder, school etc teachers because they are) rambling… OK so those countries have a better system of support than we do.
As for working full time, I did that and it was too much for me, too much for hubby, too much for the kids. None of us ever saw each other. So now I work part time & Hubby works full time. But Hubby is at home, self employed and always around if the kids need a parent. The house work we share cleaning, cooking etc. Not always equally, sometimes hubby does more, sometimes I do more.
Far from perfect, but it works for us.
We women work for different reason, financial, social, because they like to… all valid reasons. … all valid choices, just like staying at home is.
Melbourne Vintage says
Very interesting… I think the conditions in other countries are SO different. They have childcare in most workplaces, they don’t really need to work overtime and they have flexi-time and more carers leave… I think working full time here is near-impossible because you need to be so organised and you need to do it al yourself. My sister is a doctor in Germany and she is able to do fulltime (which means 8 till 3 over there) because they have a kindergarten at the hospital where she can put her daughter. Sigh… if only!
Little Ted Canvas says
Oh Maannnnn! This topic riles me, I just typed a whole huge ranting paragraph & have since thought better of it..let’s just say ‘dah!!!’ as if 2 parents working full time outside the home is going to do anyone any good in the future! What knid of people do we want our babies to become…I’m going to get a coffee xx
Toni says
Very thought-provoking.
I’m a SAHM and am blessed in that my husband earns enough to afford me that privilege. But I have tried working outside the home before and it left me stressed and unhappy.
From observation, the bulk of working mums I know seem to give their job, their kids, their husband and their homes 100% of their time and attention — so it’s MUM who misses out, not the kids so much.
Also — there is a distinction between housework and mum-work.
House-work is stuff that everyone can pitch in and help with — but mum-work is stuff that only mum can do properly (and that’s slightly different for every family)
I think we’d all be better off if we could learn to tell the difference, and delegate more.
mylifereinvented says
Bravo. I’m lucky to be able to stay home full time with my little one and she is better off for it. In my last job the “work-life balance” was a joke. 12 hour days, no holidays off, and sometimes working 10 days at a stretch.
Oh, and how do I get myself on this self cleaning house wait list?
Cate P says
I don’t work at all. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones that I don’t have to for financial reasons, and also don’t need to for fulfillment reasons. I’m happy, I do all the housebitching and I don’t mind.
Oh god, I’m a Stepford wife, aren’t I?
Jana @an attitude adjustment says
Great post, Max. I think it’s a really tough road no matter what country you live in. I always thought I’d be a working mom, but I’m a part-time teacher a d end up identifying more as a stay-at-home mom because my hours teaching college are so minimal compared to child caring. Either way, it’s really helpful to have one person in the house whose schedule is flexible to stay home with a sick kid or make the lunches or pick up from half-day preschool. I’ve decided that it possible, I’ll stay part-time as long as they’re in my care. While I have my own ambitions, I recognize my presence is really important to them and to out household because of my husband’s inflexible job. Truly, therein lies the real problem. The chauvinist workplace.
Corinne says
You know, no one side is easy. Whether you’re SAHM, part-timer or full-timer. I’ve discovered you’ve just got to do what works for you and your family. There’s no one-size-fits-all option.
I’ve done all three at different times, but for now, being a SAHM is what works best for us. Not that it’s a perfect life. I get lonely as my husband works a job where long hours and being tied to a Blackberry means I can stay at home. I also miss the stimulation of working. I also feel guilt for not working.
But all in all, I can’t imagine our life working better than it does at the moment. We just have to re-evaluate that as we go along.
One thing that has really worked for us is that hubby and I have both been in the roles of full-time worker and full-timer carer. It’s meant that we both understand what the other is going through and are sympathetic and supportive.
I completely agree is this comment ‘both the men and women of Australia could do with a bit of a re-think on the hours they devote to their bosses’. I wonder if we give our friends and family the same dedication as we give our employers!
Great post!
cooperl788 says
Great post – I’m a SAHM, though I was a teacher before I had Georgia. I really enjoyed working, but hubby and I didn’t see each other very much. We were both working all the time. And when we were home on the weekends, we spent at least one full day doing all the chores (or arguing about them!). We ate out 5 nights a week, and were pretty unhealthy. When we decided I would stay home, it allowed me to get all the chores done, cook dinner, and spend time raising our daughter. He can come home and really spend time with his family.
But everyone has to do what they need to do, and working isn’t a choice for many moms. And there are plenty of moms who need the mental stimulation to keep them sane – I can understand that too.
BabyMac says
I have done the working one day from home, 2 from the office, then 3 from the office, then 4 from the office and then back to just 2 in the office over the time that I first had Daisy almost 4 years ago now. I don’t know what the right balance is…eventually for me I was lucky enough to pull the pin on any work and stay at home. And I am still working all THAT out. It’s SUCH a business. And juggle. All I know is that since I stopped working and slowed down the pace of my life, everyone else has been able to slow down too. Less stress. Less drama. Less rushing around and I hardly ever say “come ON we are running LATE!”. That makes me happy. But as I said, I am a fortunate one to be in this position. And who knows in a few months time I may well be losing my mind from the boredom. Maybe? Maybe…not.
life in a pink fibro says
Meh. I hate the fact that we’re talking about this AGAIN. Live and let live. Work and let work – or not. I’m with Little Ted Canvas – I’m going to have coffee.
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
Here, here on what Nomie said.
I have to say, I really don’t like it that articles like the SMH one basically put women against women. SAHM vs Working Mums…Part time Working Mums vs F/T Working Mums. We all make choices that suit us. Not one of those choices is the ‘perfect’ choice for all – it’s on a case by case basis, and the decision to work, whether it be F/T or P/T, or to be a SAHM is always for a bunch of different reasons.
Whatever works. (My fave new saying BTW.)
Ali {Mummahh} says
i dont work at all! some call me lucky..but i envy working mums! i am lucky enough for H to have a great paying job which allows me to stay home with my children and raise them myself. although i would like to be doing something from home… i think its personal choice..
Clea says
R. was 9 months when I started doing 1 day a week. Next year I will be going back to 3 days a week(she will be 1 1/2). Hoenstly? I have no idea what it will be like, or how I will cope doing Mum and work duties. I struggle to do chores etc now, and feel like there’s nothing left of me at the end of the day being a SAHM- let alone when I combine that with paid employment as well.
Mum’s do it tough- feminism screwed us in many ways- not only are we expected to be awesome Mums, but also awesome Mums-that-work-and-play-and-do-pretty-much-everything.
I love my job though, and feel that is important for me to remain something other than a Mum. While it is the most important job of all, we don’t have to be totally defned by that alone.
xx
MomAgain@40 says
We don’t have that many options here to work part-time in South Africa. Either full time or not at all. I would have loved to work part time…
My husband shares all the household responsibilities – he doesn’t have a choice 😉
Posie Patchwork says
Well my basic double uni degree story is that i left the oil industry to raise my children. I worked while i had one, then retired with twins & had another one – 2 degrees & 4 children by 29 – i was thrilled to be at home with them doing my own thing!! Anyway, i think you’ve married the wrong bloke if he doesn’t help at home – our rule is if one is cleaning so is the other, then we have time together!! If he’s at work or saving the world i’m running the house & children around to school, then my paid work. Gosh, none of this is forever – raising babies or working – so get sorted & enjoy it or you’ll miss out!! Having happy well adjusted children is way better than a fancy job title or playing “i work the most hours”. Self satisfaction, living within your means etc. It’s your life, no one else really cares, too busy up themselves. Love Posie
Ms Curious @ CCM says
My question is – what is it usually the mother that take a step back on their working life? Howadays a lot of women are more advanced career-wise than their partners. Thoughts?
ClaireyH says
Firstly, I consider 4 days a week full time, not part time, may be reduced hours, but that is a tough gig for a mum, also running the ship at home.
It may all depend on the ages of kids, what kind of work you do, etc. I wouldn’t want to work full time, even if I was a lanky Swedish beauty living a Scandy life, give me my 2 days a week paid work and I am happy for now, but it may change when school life hits…who knows?
MultipleMum says
With four young kids, working full-time out of the household really isn’t an option for me. I am happy with my 2 days at work, 5 at home with the kids. It gives me some ‘me’ time, keeps my foot in the door in the workplace, and enough time to attend to my mountains of washing. My workplace probably thinks differently, but I think I have a great balance for my family.
Aubrey S. says
I really think the debate comes down to choice, and some people don’t want women to have the choice to work or stay home or do both. It’s silly. I think it’s great that you can spend the time with your children. I wish that when we have children, I would be able to stay home with them, but unfortunately we consider my salary to be the primary breadwinner in our house. In all honesty, it’s likely that my husband will stay home to be with our children.
However, one thing my husband and I have had to overcome is the concept that I should work full-time and take care of the household too. His mother stayed at home, so sometimes, I feel like he expects me to do it all. My take is that we both work, we both split the chores.
EmmaK says
Well I don’t work at the moment because of Visa issues (me not being american etc) and I suppose it has been great not to have the pressures of work and I have been able to focus on my first love which is writing. I can’t imagine ever working full time – I’m just not organized enough to run a home at the same time!
Stacia says
I just want to say, can you sign me up for one of those self-cleaning houses please? Even a beta version?? Because, between the working-from-home and the child-rearing-from-home, and the blogging-from-home-to-avoid-working-from-home, I have no time at all to spare!
Megan says
Here, here. Love the way you’ve said that Maxabella.
In our household, I work part-time from home. This is wonderful in so many ways and gives me and my family a lot of flexibility – but it also means I have to allocate time and make it known that they should pretend I’m not here when I’m trying to concentrate. (Try saying that to a 2-year-old!)
I used to be very career focused, but gave it up when they wanted me to go back to work full-time by the time my baby was 12 months. I didn’t like the thought of that lifestyle – the constant racing around and stress, for starters. I was lucky enough to have a choice – so I went with what felt right.
I don’t think that everyone working more is the right option! What happened to placing value on spending time with your kids? Or cooking meals or doing all those domestic things?
Oh, and my hubby works full-time (although he starts early and often finishes early) and still does some of the cooking and cleaning. But I agree with you – I tend to redo most of that cleaning anyway!!
x0xJ says
Oh Maxabella i am in love with your blog and how much you provoke from me!
I call BULLSHIT. The reason women struggle to work full time whilst raising children and looking after a household is because men honestly do.not.help.out.
This is a big part of why i cannot do the juggle, my partner says he would help out if i were at work, but…well i’m not as niave as i may look. He cannot manage to put his clothes in his hamper and instead drops them on the floor next to it, how will he possibly manage actual housework? (And FTR i do not run around cleaning up after his bum!)
I actually think that asking a mother to work part time is simply enough. Studies have shown how much children thrive when raised by a parent or relative for those first few years (prior to school). And with women waiting later to have children, or as my case is having them young, not all of us have the option of getting our parents to help out with some of the childcare as our parents may simply be too old to chase around after a mischievious toddler, or (as in my case) our parents are still working themselves.
I think part time jobs, jobs with flexibles hours/shifts should be saved FOR mothers so we are allowed that time home with our children, that time FOR THEM, and hey a little more time for the housework because that is never bloody ending.
Idk, maybe it’s just me but i feel strongly that my place is with these bebe’s while they’re still this little. If i had it my way i’d never work so i could be here for them 24/7, but by the time the youngest starts school i hope to have a job (preferably something only during school hours).
This article just pisses me off. In asking for equality for ourselves it seems we now are expected to be freaking wonder women and not only hold glorious jobs and rake in the money, but we should also be dedicated active parents for our children and keep an immaculate house and social life. It’s just not doable. It’s too much pressure and these jerks need to back off and stop writing about what they think we should be doing and leave us to do what we feel is right for our own personal circumstance. We are only one person and WE NEED SLEEP TOO. Lol.
_vTg_ says
I think it’s a bit simplistic for this article to infer that mothers working part-time are “digging their own grave” (beneath piles of laundry). I suspect it’s all to do with difference societies’ expectations overall.
Found this while trying to work out an answer:
“Danish policy…is aimed towards gender-equitable labour force participation on a full-time and universal basis. To that aim, comprehensive family support is provided, workers can access generous child-related leave programmes, and child care is accessible to almost all children as from the age of 6 months” (OECD, 2002a, Vol. I, p. 15).
A society in which there is gender equity between parents in the home probably expects there to be gender equity between parents in the workplace. And in so many ways in both locations.
I recall the Danish royal kiddies went off to creche aged about 15-18 months. Presumably nothing to do with the royals needing childcare per se, but more that going to creche by that age is the norm in Denmark. If that’s the case (for whatever reason) then parents probably do have more expectation to continue at work…
Corrie says
gosh I missed that article and we get the SMH home delivered- maybe my husband ripped out that article so I wouldn’t read it and go on about it in his ear!
geez working full time – oh my goodness nothing would get done!
I think I’ve got the best of both worlds now and it’s taken a few years to get here. I get to work from home on various projects and bring in some money as well as have a hubby bring in good money but trust me 3 small children is full time enough and even if I did no paid work I would be run off my feet anyway!
glad you bought it up – the writer musn’t know the average aussie bloke – like my man who leaves dirty clothes on the floor, wet towels in the bathroom and dirty dishes on top of the dirty dishwasher!
corrie:)
Suzie G says
Argh, such a topical topic! Whatever works for you, and whatever works for your kids. Lets leave it at that 🙂 And yes, the same goes in our household: I do the housework because I am the one with the standards. My hubby helps cook, because he enjoys it, but that is it.
Annette says
I agree with you on this one Maxabella. I know that when I worked full-time, I was exausted at the end of the day. How could that exactly help with raising our little ones? Part-time is the way to go in my books. We had children so that we could raise them, not just hand them off for others to raise…
Cat says
I’m loving your thinking this week lovely. I have done all manner of work combinations since the Bebito was born and we have come to the conclusion that for our family it works best that the Mr works full-time (plus some) and that I work part-time with one day at the office and one day across the rest of the week at home. I’ve been offered interesting roles that’d take up more of my time but I’ve turned them down because for our family to function I am the one who picks up ALL the rest of the slack outside of mowing the lawns. I can’t think for 3 people and work more than I do at the moment without collapsing in a huge heap. I tried and I nearly fell apart at the seams at the childcare/home/work thing. The Mr does more to help when he doesn’t work so much but in all honesty, I’d rather spend family time together than have him do a shitload of chores so we have gone done what is I guess a quite traditional route.
Kymmie says
Oh what to say… or more like what NOT to say! Eeek. I’m a WAHM which means that I work 3 days a week which includes one day in the office (my grown up day) and then somehow I juggle the kids with housework and all the other things I have to do. And just quietly when I worked full time, my hubby and I shared the cooking, cleaning etc. Now I’m a mum it all was delegated to me and yet I still work. Not sure how this happened… but after reading some of the other comments, it seems I’m not the only one!
But love your thoughts and love that you tackle the big issues. So, keep reading those papers 🙂 Funnily enough, I was going to write something about work/life balance on my blog too. Because ‘having it all’ is just baloney.
Miss Cinti - my poppet says
Interesting topic, always thought i’d be a fulltime working mum (Emma is 17mo) but the reality is my partner works very long hours 6 days a week and often doesnt see Emma for days, if i worked in my industry full time, she wouldn’t see either of us. Childcare options in australia are limited and a fulltime nanny would be expensive. So i am enjoying being a SAHM and keeping busy with my online shop (keeps me sane). being in the fortunate position of not needing two incomes helps.