Fondly reminiscing about my encounter with Dave the Vaccum last week has reminded me about the time I hired a hubby.
In Sydney there is a company called, you guessed it, Hire a Hubby. The premise it that while your own hubby is abundantly skilled and highly motivated to do all of the maintenance and reno work about the house, he is simply too busy. If he wasn’t so darn busy, that new roof would be up, the bathroom tiled and the chicken coop built quick smart. But while he’s cursing his busyness, this business is here to help. They have experienced, skilled, qualified ‘hubbys’ on their books ready and willing to come over and do the work for money. It’s like the housewife’s equivalent of a prostitute, really.
Anyway, I’m sure Hire a Hubby is a very good, reliable company but I cannot vouch for that. When I ‘hired a hubby’ I really got one.
I was nine-months pregnant with number two and in crisis reno mode. The Nest needed an updated kitchen quick-smart because no fresh baby of mine was going to grow up thinking that an acceptable kitchen included exposed brick walls, brown tiles and cupboards, green formica benchtops and green plastic flooring. It was enough that Maxi-Taxi had already been exposed to this style desert.
The floor man handled the floors, the renderer man handled the walls, my real and gorgeous hubby LOML and his mate Ric painted every brown cabinet white and Hire a Hubby sent Michael-Call-Me-Mike to get the benchtops and tiling done.
Michael was as big as my own hubby (which is to say, very, very big). He looked very professional with his toolbelt and his measuring tape. He had pencils tucked above both ears. Things were looking good.
He ripped out the old benchtops and tore down the brown tiles as if he found them as offensive as I did. He looked so engrossed that I popped out with Maxi-Taxi for a the rest of the day to get some last minute baby wrap shopping done (you can never have enough wraps).
I excitedly arrived home to view the completed benchtop and tiles and stood aghast in the kitchen doorway, one hand clasped protectively over my belly, the other shielding Maxi’s vulnerable toddler eyes.
It was a MESS. The benchtops were fitted, but a large corner section of one bench had obviously been broken off and glued hurriedly back on. The tiling job was the worst tiling job in the history of tilers (and that is a very, very long history indeed). The grouting was smeared like toothpaste and dripped out between the tiles as if they were oozing pus. They were nicely almost dry.
I was speechless. I was massively pregnant. I could have done a better job myself. Maxi could have done a better job himself. But I said nothing.
I paid Michael’s bill when it arrived a week later. I said nothing. I went in and gave birth and dear LOML and my sisters fixed what they could and made it all look presentable. Bless that hubby that I didn’t even have to hire.
Years and years and years later I am still livid. I have actually moved house and I am still livid. It is embarrassing how livid I still am but for some reason it is like an unscratched itc… gaping wound.
The question is. Am I furious at Michael for passing himself off as a qualified Hubby when clearly he was just a regular hubby? Am I angry at Hire a Hubby for sending me Michael in the first place? Or am I livid at myself because I said nothing?
[Image from here]
Jess says
You have to laugh in hindsight but seriously, I have had nothing but ISSUES with all franchises I have dealt with for all home related services…cleaners, gardeners, handy men..
The worst experience was when I thought I would do the right thing for the community and hire someone from ‘The Grey Army’ – the concept being that they give pensioners work in all home maintenance areas. Great idea, right? Alarm bells should have rung when the 20 something Indian student arrived to do the garden. Where was my trusty, weather beaten, grey haired Grandpa type?
The result? He ripped out our huge 15 year old fern…. killed it. Ka-put. I was devastated. He tried to tell me it was dead. Ferns leaves just go a bit golden in the summer… 🙁
NEVER AGAIN. Small businesses only. Referrals only.
That is all.
Posie Patchwork says
How exactly did you compose yourself while heavily pregnant & emotional to not staple gun his shirt collar to the counter & demand he fix it?? You seem fiesty enough, i can’t imagine you not speaking up & he’s been let loose on someone else’s kitchen bench, oh the humanity!!
My real life action handyman husband likes to do it all, hiring a ‘hubby’ would simply be cheating on him, you can imagine when he goes away for 9 months at a time, i need jobs done. The Army take care of them, today my cistern flooded, Army hire 100y.o. tradesmen, no eye candy for desperate Army wives. I married the son of a plumber so i’d be cheating on my husband & my FIL if i called in help. I’m fixing it myself, can’t wait for a tradesman. You can find anything on the internet. Love Posie
Kymmie says
Oh Maxabella, you are a better person than me. He would have been glued to that counter. That bill? Posted back in the same condition as that benchtop. Unpaid, of course. That very bad regular hubby posing as Hire A Hubby. He ought to go back to usual hubby chores methinks. (You still can call Hire A Hubby, by the way). Oh, and I have a friend who has his own HAH business. Do you wish for me to seek his advice? xx
april says
Oh wow – I had a similar experience with cleaners – we were renting a new appartment I had a new baby and was not up to cleaning the feral muck that someone had left behind in bathroom and kitchen. They came, they cleaned everything but sinks, stove, over stove top thing and the walls…
yeah.
never hiring cleaners again.
Jacki says
What a disaster! Did you contact Hire a Hubby to complain? They should have sent a replacement the next day at no charge. I was actually thinking of hiring a service like this but now I’m having second thoughts!
Life In A Pink Fibro says
I too am speechless. You, who mock me over the frozen peas, said nothing? You ALWAYS say something. Perhaps this was the turning point? It was after Mike that you realised a girl has to say something. You had Mike. I had frozen peas. Have to say, my experience was less painful.
Naturally Carol says
You would think that being a ‘hired’ hubby that his bosses would have asked him how he trained to be soul worthy of hired hubbiness! They should have known they just couldn’t hire out any old hubby…they’re just not equal!
Glen says
I wish I could hire a Hubby to to come around and do the ‘listening-to-the-nagging-about-the-jobs-that-need-doing-in-the-kitchen’ for me. Now that would be a useful service.
The Coffee Lady says
I did this once, with a friend of a friend who was a hire a hubby and highly recommended. He made a terrible job. My MOTHER finished it off for me. And he scratched my worktop.
Marion Williams-Bennett says
I hate that burning feeling of anger that keeps coming back. For me, it’s usually because I didn’t say anything, but in this case, you’ve got a lot of choices as to what to be angry about!
I think that what we all really need is a Hire A Wife company- then we’d have someone who could juggle five different projects and do them all beautifully!
Gina says
You’re too kind. I would have never paid that bill. I have never been one to say nothing…in fact I usually say too much :).
Tricia Rose says
And it’s still bothering you, these years later…
Can you console yourself by knowing that was the definitive Bad Experience, which can inoculate you for evermore once you have a whiff of suspicion?
Sahara's Heart says
lol..what a great post ..I love reading you!
babygalah says
See, I believe that if this happened to you today, a) you would staple gun him to the bench b) wouldn’t pay the bill and c) be able to blog about it all A LOT sooner, thereby erasing all the years of anger and frustration !
I still have anger moments of paying a tradie to do a ‘worse than i could have done while on crutches job’ and that was 10 years ago! However, the tradie that showed up announced and commenced (bad) work when I hadn’t authorised it…..well, i think his ears are still ringing !
love this post, Dee x
Lucy says
I CAN SO RELATE.
A million years ago (1996?), in a suburb you know, (Marrickville), I got royally ripped off by an incompetent. It was my first foray into renovating. It hardened me up against tradies for life.
And despite having lived in no less than 6 houses since, and having revovated extensively (and successfully) since, the dodgy kitchen bloke from Marrickville STILL makes me feel furious and that nasty ick taste comes back into my mouth…
x0xJ says
I guess you did hire a hubby…and well, that sounds like something a hubby would do. “You want to hire someone? Nah darl, i’ll do it me self. Can’t be that hard!” *later that day* “Uhhh darl, i know you’ve been out all day shopping with your mum, but don’t look just yet, i’m not finished” *walks into a destroyed house*
Lol.
Lets just say you found out that LOYL was really handy afterall, and now you know not to bother hiring someone?
And yes, you should have flipped yer shit.
MultipleMum says
I too am surprised that you said nothing. Nothing? Not even a ‘dude that looks like shit?’. I think you still seethe because you really wanted to stick his hammer up his butt and boot him out! Mike. Will never trust another man named Mike. I snorted when I read Glen’s comment above!
I'm So Fancy says
Too funny! Yes, you truly did “hire a hubby.” H never participates in the annual office community service because “who would dare live in a house that I helped build?”
Anonymous says
Wow! I searched for “hire a hubby rip off” because we are smack in the middle of a similar situation. We just moved onto a new place in the inner west and our “hubby” came to install a new deadlock. He drilled the hole too big and in the wrong spot, installed the wrong type of lock for our door, not before modifying it in his workshop and slapping the thing on in a crooked position. It’s an absolute mess, our new door has been patched and spot painted. When I confronted him about his shoddy workmanship he made me feel stupid, as if I couldn’t possibly understand how locks and doors are supposed to operate.
When I told him I’d already called head office to organize a replacement door he actually tried to convince me to allow him to pay ANOTHER hubby to come and fix his mess. It was only at this point that he even admitted there was a problem. Hire a hubby? I would have been better off booking into a Bunnings do it yourself class!
Anonymous says
I’m a trained tradesman. I have met a number of Hire a Hubby workers. Most have not come from a trades background. The company will sell a franchise to anyone who has the money, and then give them around 6 days training, and then issued with a restricted license by Fair Trading.Then they magically become a painter, carpenter,tiler, landscaper etc. etc. But I have found the restricted license does not stop them doing work at places like yours on jobs they have no prior experience with. A couple of these guys I have found to be next to useless. Big on presentation but thats it. Remember a proper tradesman does a 4 yr apprenticeship with 3 yrs at Tafe. Some handymen are qualified tradesman.
Lucinda says
HAH…yet another bad experience. Monday ripped off the roof on my outdoor room leaving 2 fridges and an expensive sauna to the elements, with the new roofing supposedly going on on Tuesday. Then on Friday. Then the following Wednesday…..finally the Wednesday after that. Big storm within the 16 days. Shoddy job, over-quoted, split timber beams, to add insult to injury on the Tuesday he couldn’t finish my job he turned up at 8.30am, having dropped his kids off at school, to tell me in person AND to use my bathroom.
The Marrickville area seems cursed with Michaels. Never again. Haven’t paid him yet…
Aileenmacarthur says
Well looke up dial a hubby with a view to having a job done but have now changed my mood nd after reading comments! Not one was positive !