We all know I’m not exactly a ‘subtle’ sort of person. I find it extremely difficult to ignore the bleeding obvious. In fact, I am more likely to give the elephant in the room one great big cuddle rather than ignore him.
How do other people do it?
Like, the other night at the pre-school Parent Committee meeting there was a new dad there. Whilst it was lovely to see a new dad getting involved with the pre-school, when asked if he had anything to add he just went on and on and on. That’s the Boring bit. The Elephant bit is that he had his eyes closed the entire time that he was waffling on. So he was speaking to about ten people in the room with his eyes closed.
I thought it was just hysterically funny and had to hide behind the Tonka Truck shelf to stop myself from laughing. Worse than that though is that no-one else in the room appeared to either notice or be phased by this bizarre public speaker.
This sort of thing happens to me all the time. Not the Sleeping-Dad-Waffling part, but the wondering why no-one else looks like they just want to leap up and say “oh for gods sake, open your eyes when you’re talking, you look deranged!’.
Other recent elephants have included:
A room full of business people ignoring the fact that one of their own was crying quietly throughout the entire meeting.
A mother at school waxing lyrical about how sweet her boy is when everybody knows he is the boy who took a knife into Kindergarten last week.
I had to walk away, wide-eyed on each occasion.
Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures says
I’m with you on this one.
I don’t know how people can ignore it, and I am notorious for having foot in mouth because I just don’t shut up and say what I think.
It’s got me in a bit of trouble, but I would rather be known for speaking up than ignoring the obvious.!
Notchka says
Head. In. Clouds. (or going through shopping list, wondering what to have for dinner, replaying good sex had last night, wondering how to sneak rather large internet purchase of fabric past Huz….oh wait see penultimate thought). Seriously funny though the ‘eyes wide shut’ guy.
Catherine says
I’m a bit shy in this department. I probably wouldn’t say anything then and there but there is no way that I would miss any of these, seriously how weird standing there talking closed eyed in front of people…hmmm
I'm So Fancy says
You silently Thank the Heavens for a fantastic blog topic…xxx
Toni says
Uh-oh. I’m afraid I’m one of those annoying people who tries hard not to laugh, but it spurts out anyway, in snorts and fits of giggles.
Oh — not about the crying, though.
The Quilting Pirate says
mmmmm…how to be tactful but sharing my thoughts π (What a set up, huh?) Do you ever turn your thinking around? Like why is that dad so insecure he feels the need to close his eyes? Why is that mom soo proud of her son, knowing she might have failed at better a stronger mom? I think the white elephants in the rooms are there for us to humble ourselves and be grateful for the strengths we see in our own “weirdnesses”.
Now, I do smile and maybe giggle, then I ponder and try to be more understanding. For the record I am no saint π
little love says
Yeah, um, I’m the one that usually opens my big fat mouth! π xx
MomAgain@40 says
Also do not know how the other people manage to keep a straight face! Maybe we have all just learnt to do it well? But inwardly we are also laughing our heads off?
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Thank goodness we weren’t in the room together as we would have sent the Tonka Trucks tumbling with our giggles. My sense of the absurd is ridiculously refined I’m afraid.
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
Ahhh this is stuff i love to talk about – the “correct” term that has occured here my darling Bron, is what is known as The Bystander Effect. If no-one re-acts, then there is very little chance the collective will react….i bet though….if one person reacted – you have more and more people jumping fence and joining you! It is a social phenomenon! I once, stopped a meeting as i noticed a poor colleague was having a grand mal sezuire – once i pointed it out, oh how they all jumped to her aid, and were all, ‘yes i was just about too….”! I think in the case of Sleeping-weirdo-gasbagging dad – someone should fake a coughing fit to put him off his track!
Love your work honey
xx
Tanya says
Thank you Quilting Pirate. I was thinking that actually. I have been in lots of meetings and forums and everyone reacts differently when required to speak. For some it easy but for most not so.
A Farmer's Wife says
I think I would have had to ask the crying person if she was OK or wanted a chance to leave the meeting…
I find I am OK if someone is being unintentionally funny unless I make eye contact with a friend or The Farmer. Then I struggle to not laugh.
Claire Chadwick @ Scissors Paper Rock says
Haaaaaa! I am pissing myself with laughter right now B! You crack me up!! The amount of times, I’ve been looked-down-on or put in my place coz I had a good ole’ laugh at other people’s crazy, annoying, big-fat-elephant habits or actions! I must be honest…as a Teacher I get to see & hear some pretty funny stuff….so I’m pretty good at walking away with wide eyes these days….as for ignoring the elephant….I don’t ignore it….I just bottle it up & let it all out in fits of laugher over drinks with my girlfriends or during dinner with Hubby!
This post made my night! FUNNY FUNNY!
xo
Mama of 2 boys says
Hahaha, love this post! I too, find it hard to resist the urge to give the elephant his/her time in the sun. I really like the example about the mother. I have a recurring situation with an acquaintance who constantly raves about how her daughter “never bullies other children”. I am certain every person in the group wants to scream out “honey, they’re 3, they all do it!” Even more amusing is the fact we have seen her angel actually instigating the argy bargy. Oh dear!
Alice Becomes says
Oh I can never ignore the elephant either! It is unbelievable to me that people could ignore crying by one of their own…But some people really do well at pretending they don’t notice…Me? Not so much…And I have been in actual physical pain at times where I have been overcome by giggles in these sorts of situations!
Loved reading this – have missed your posts….so glad I am back! Thanks for visiting us at Alice….nice to see a familiar “face” there!
Alice Becomes says
Its hard not too laugh! I had an elephant situation last night at the winebar…
Valentines day, busy night, big cocktail and bistro crowd. Music pumping, everyone in their zone. I go to the bar to pour some wine for a table, look up and there in front of me are boobs. Massive, huge BOOBS. On a more mature aged lady, with a very low cut scoop neck dress on. With an old guy in a polo. Not the usual sort of folk to come in. Her boobs were literally sitting on the bar top. He couldn’t stop staring, and every time she giggled, the top half of her nipples would rise up past the fabric! Hilarious, and slightly gross at the same time….Problem is, full bar, know else seemed to notice.
I guess that is what happens on the most loved up day of the year!
Nic x
Naturally Carol says
I think in some of these situations people are shocked into paralysis. People are very easily stunned, I’ve found, when they are confronted with things that are unacceptable to them..forcing them out of their comfort zone!
Tricia Rose says
I’d long to say to the closed eye dad,”I had my hand up for a question, but you didn’t seem to see me.”
Crying ignored: stiff-upper-lip tact (doesn’t happen in the US).
Lyrical mum – denial! One mother said to me “Josh never gets his lunch money taken!”, and I didn’t have the guts to say because he’s the one who’s taking it!
Anonymous says
Okay – this may be typical late night sensitive of me and because I’m putting some very personal and possibly scary info on here I’m going to be anon and also add this warning and say if you want to feel free to delete.
So often I am the elephant in the room.
I am the girl crying in the laneway that the city hurries past.
I have two arms full of scars that I’m pretty sure have caused many playground mums ‘oooh how can she talk about life like its all normal’ moments then rush off to gossip about me afterwards.
You know – the people who can’t see life outside their square.
Do I expect people to understand? No.
Do I expect sympathy? No.
Do I expect the same respect I would offer you if you were in a similar situation – yes.
I have been asked three times about my white elephants.
Once – very rudely.
Once – very nicely but then was never spoken to again.
And the last time by someone who offered something of themselves first. Their white elephant. as a token of understanding.
As far as crying in the city – for everyone who walked past me I thought but what if…what if I couldn’t get home, what if I couldn’t get myself to the police and what if I really needed help?
I wasn’t dressed in a stereotypical ‘homeless’ manner, I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t high. I needed help? yes. That would have been nice.
But in the end we all have white elephants, if we see them ourselves or not. By calling someone out on theres aren’t you just ignoring the fact we are all human?
(trying not to be judgemental – sorry if it sounds that way – hard to write this without something like that I guess- sorry MB)
Glen says
i am the world’s king of opening up my mouth without engaging my brain in those situations. I’d have sat making V signs or turned and mooned at him just for the laugh, only to later discover his seeing eye dog sat behind him being held by his fully sighted and angry wife.
that’s me
Kim H says
That was so funny! You and I must be twins! This stuff always happens to me too and I can’t, for the life of me, understand people’s lack of notice or enquiry. LOL I can’t not look either when something’s amiss. I stare right at the particular thing that I’m supposed to be politely not noticing. Terrible! Teeth are the worst for me. My sister is always worried that I’m going to ‘say something’ in situations like the ones you mentioned. Well, someone needs to keep these people in the know! LOL Thanks for the laugh and connection:)
Laura says
grate post ,really funny!..but I agree with you!!…I cant ignore what is obvious eather!!.
Sarah says
That is funny, hehehe.
No I cant ignore things like that. I actually OFTEN get a kick under the table from my husband to try and stop me from giggling, staring or commenting.
Marion Williams-Bennett says
Loved this phrase…business people and “one of their own”
My boss does this eye thing too. Not quite closed but sort of a flutter. Almost closed. It’s tough to take feedback from someone who’s eyes are semi-closed-semi-open.
Great post!
Stacia says
It’s like when someone at the lunch table has a bit of parsley in her teeth. It takes a certain kind of person to have the nerve (courage?) (honesty?) (guts?) to say it out loud.
I’m not one of those people, but I admire those who are. Because, for real, if I had something in my teeth I would want to know! Likewise if I was speaking with my eyes closed or being delusional about my “sweet” child.
Tatter Beans says
I can say honestly …I don’t ignore it… like the other day my neighbor rang me asking if such and such had turned up at my house cause her daughter couldn’t quiet see over the snow banks..her door lives the other side… I mean I ask you what business is it of her’s who is at my house… and that’s just what I said ..outspoken English woman here..and if it needs pointing out I’m your girl…
Angela Furlong says
I have a face like an open picture book so I’m afraid I’m an elephant cuddler too!
Angela x
Wicker & Stitch
Michele says
we are a weird complicated mob arent we. And piss funny sometimes too in our weirdness
And been in many situations where you think huh am I the only one noticing this or thinking it is odd/funny….do I say/do something
Agreee with the group think effect/bystander intervention theory someone else put up too – no one wants to be out of step or the one that breaks the unspoken code. And then theres just HOW do you broach it without being seen as rude etc
But maybe theres a reason the guy shuts his eyes when he talks? bad habit? Chronic shyness? Aspergers and hates eye contact? Used to blush when public speaking and this is the way he copes? Ex-stutterer? Super tired? Some sort of eye condition? Bad memory and trying to access this part of his brain. Who knows?
And as for the mum with the kid with the knife – none of us are one-dimensional. He can be sweet at times I am sure (as well as whip out the knife) and maybe being ‘blind’ to this is her way of coping or trying to balance out the other school mums views of her/her child. And WHY is the kid bringing a knife to school. Whats going on for him for him to be doing this?
And hmmm the crying in a meeting – that one stumps me a little. How could someone NOT say anything/help out (see bystander intervention above) plus I think our general emotional stunted-ness (if thats even a word). We dont like being put in a situation where we are uncomfortable or lose face, feel embarrassment or shame. But I feel sad that no-one mentioned or helped or acknowledged her tears (I am assuming HER it could well have been a man!).
End of rant. But interesting comment generating topic once again M
ange_moore says
I’m with you! Have to state the bleeding-obvious, can’t work out why no-one else is struggling to control the giggling fits, and would normally have to say something or do something about these things (or struggle desperately to keep my mouth shut – which I often fail at)!
Draft Queen says
I have no filter. I am the one to point those things out. I just can’t help myself.
Life In A Pink Fibro says
Oh you know me, I just use the frozen peas excuse and wander off.
Cate says
Oh I would feel so badly for crying lady (I’d have to shuffle her off somewhere and get her a glass of water). But as for eyes shut dad – I’d probably go with look at my feet and try really hard not to giggle stupidly!
xxxCate
Oh, and Allison, what’s the frozen peas excuse??
therhythmmethod says
I see everything, and say nothing. Which is why I have turned to blogging.
I love the mental picture of you hugging the elephant in the room. Very funny.
Mammamusing says
I’m a little inconsistent.
I range from extremes to laughing at bizarre behaviour to ignoring it out of genuine confusion on how to react to something so blindingly obvious to seemingly only me.
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
It’s a good thing you and I don’t attend the same meetings, because I would have been biting my lip trying not to laugh through that.
I think people *do* notice – they just pretend they don’t. I think they don’t want people to *know* they notice. You know?
π
ClaireyH says
Oh, the shit kid whose Mum talks him up! I just know she thinks if she says it enough that someone might believe her.
Andrea says
Oh dear…the business people thing…I’ve been there, on the non-crying side of the table. It was HELL.
The problem is with this particular one, she was always crying. To start with I was gentle and suggested we conclude the meeting until another day, she declined. The second time I said I’d rather she cancel the meeting if she was feeling upset before hand. The third time I said to her boss I was worried about her, and it was making everything…not very effective…(he did nothing)…and finally, we just gave up and got to the point where we ignored it. Except one colleague who just yelled at her to get her shit together. Couldn’t get her to stop, couldn’t get her to leave, couldn’t get her boss to get her help….groan. NIGHTMARE…the poor thing seriously needed help, but there is only so many suggestions you can make as a not close friend/colleague…..
Sometimes you have to ignore the elephant in the room!!!
Justine@msdilemma.com says
ooooh ooooh this one I can answer without my brain bleeding from all the analysing and thinking thinking that happens when I read your posts ~ luuuuurve it ~ as it’s good to know my brain is still there.
Oh yeh my point? When your the size of an elephant (literally) and you walk through a room full of ppl ~ not only does the white elephant beam like a becon…….. they’re amazed that I can still walk at my size too!!!
This white elephant enjoys making the rest of her animal kingdom friends look so thin π
Megan Blandford says
I’ve had an issue with tact and subtlety my whole life (I just don’t understand why people can’t be honest!) – I would have struggled there too!
Kymmie says
I must confess I’ve been known to be subtle, but my face is a dead give-away. A friend says my face tells a thousand words. Whoops. So I guess I don’t have to say anything then? Lovely post and food for thought as always. xx