Like most parents, I spend a good deal of time worrying about bullying. Worried that my Tsunamis may one day fall victim to a group of bullies, yes. But perhaps even more concerned that one day they might take it on themselves to become one.
I know in my heart of hearts that my sweet little cherubs would never intentionally hurt someone else. They know it’s wrong to tease and judge others and from a young age we’ve shown them how important it is to stand up for the little guy. But there is a little argy-bargy happening amongst the Cappers’ friends and I do think from time to time “Heaven help me, I don’t want to be raising a Mean Girl.”
How will I know? How does anyone know?
I’ve never met an adult who admits to being a bully.
I know lots of people who were bullied, but I don’t know anyone who says they bullied them.
Why is that?
I look back on my own childhood and teenagedom and I don’t think I was ever a Mean Girl. If I did, it’s not something I remember. Is that what happens? Bullies just forget? Is the act of bullying only significant to the victim? Is it ‘just another day’ to the bully? That’s a right worry, that is.
I was fortunately enough to escape the cruelty of bullying, but people close to me weren’t so lucky. I often used to wonder if their bullies ever felt sorry for what they had done.
Nowadays I just wonder if their bullies even acknowledge it.
Are they adults who admit to being bullies, or do they also express disbelief and deny they could ever do such a thing? Do they feel the burden of responsibility for the way they changed a life?
Where do bullies go?
[Image by Mi Zhang found here]
The Beetle Shack says
Oh bron, these are getting heavy. I have to say I have both been bullied ( as a young girl with a glass eye, yes really) and bullied others ( as an older girl who learnt that you had to bite back). I can honestly say I regret who I was as a teenager. I pray I can teach my kids to be more gentle on themselves and others than I was.
Xo em
MonetPaisley says
I was bullied a little…. For being different, for wearing different clothes (i was wearing Esprit, and they were wearing kmart), for having a different religion.
I look back and laugh now but try to teach my children it is good to be different. It is children with different ideas that grow up to be adults that think outside the box…
Karen Wilson says
Apparently I was bullied at school. I say apparently because when I was at school I was teased, I didn’t consider it bullying at the time.
Bullying was shoving your head down the toilet and flushing, threatening to bash you up if you didn’t hand over your lunch money, that sort of thing. I didn’t get that. I was just the bottom of the food chain at school. I was the butt of all jokes. The first thing anyone new was told by fellow students was “don’t be friends with her”. I had my possessions stolen and hidden in the classroom so that when they were found it looked like I’d just lost them.
At the time I hated it, but now I don’t care. I have developed a sense of not regretting my past because everything that has happened as put me where I am today, and I’m not unhappy with where I am. I could be in a lot worse places, and who knows how these things can change your path.
I went to a 10 year high school reunion several years ago. One girl still had a go at me. Sadly I didn’t think of the smart arse reply until later in the evening. I just accepted the fact that she was still a child and moved on.
A little more recently I went to a 20 year primary school reunion. The crowd was more of the ‘nicer’ people from school. I made a comment about being the bottom of the food chain at school and seemed to have no idea of what I was talking about. They weren’t the perpetrators, but they were friends with those who were. I don’t know if they were just denying it because they were embarrassed or if they were really ignorant to it at school… the same way you could, for example, be ignorant of people doing drugs in your class… it goes on around you but you’re not aware of it because you don’t take part.
I don’t know if I’d want these people to apologise. I’ve moved on, they can’t change the past, apologising wont make a difference to my life really now. It’s not like I still have to see them at all (I’ve moved interstate since then).
You say that you know in your heart of hearts that your little cherubs would never intentionally hurt someone. I don’t know you or your children, but from what I know of you I believe you. I can’t image lovely people raising feral children. I also hope the same for my children.
But I wonder, would the parents of the kids who do bully say the same thing? The the parents of bullies realise the pain their children cause? Or maybe they did the same thing as children and they think it’s normal. I put it down as one of those mysteries that we may never know the answer to.
Megan Blandford says
Yes, I was bullied and it was pretty full on at school. I never confronted them – but boy do I wish I had! – but they knew. They knew exactly what they were doing. I saw that mixture of pleasure and shame in their eyes.
I don’t know if they’d admit to it now. Probably not – too damned weak to admit it even to themselves probably.
Seana Smith says
Sadly, I think the bullies are still out there and doing just as they did at school – bullying. I met a few nasty bullies in the workplace, I hate to say, and in any social setting – school parents – there are some bossy ‘uns, nasty gossipy ‘uns.
I know a lot of the really rough guys from my very rough-at-the-time high school went to gaol – my brother met them there! Luckily for him, they looked out for him, they could see he needed looking after; an Old Boys reunion of sorts, very Scottish.
Mum on the Run says
I will never ever ever forget the day I joined in with a group of girls in primary school. Some little cow had the bright idea to tell one particular (lovely) girl that we were all wearing tracksuit pants to the next day’s excursion.
We then ALL wore jeans. I can see the look on her face as she arrived at school on the excursion day in trackies to see every other girl in our year group wearing jeans. Might seem insignificant now, but it was a big deal to her then. My pulse quickens with shame when I recall it.
I have never and will never ever participate in something like that again.
The thought of Magoo being involved in bullying (on either side)breaks my heart.
π
Peggy says
I was bullied in my last two years of high school. I hadn’t been very nice in the past to the two girls who bullied me, but I didn’t bully them. They publicly humiliated me, insulted me, convinced my friends to hate me, isolated me, and cyber bullied me – one of them once wrote a blog post saying how I should just off myself for everyone elses’ benefit. It was horrible.
I worry about my kids a lot too. I worry they’ll be bullied, I worry they’ll bully. But ultimately it’s their journey… we have to just guide them as best we can, I guess.
edenland says
I could write a whole post – a whole blog on this topic. I was really badly bullied my entire childhood … by my mother and sisters. REALLY badly – physically, emotionally, psychologically. Horrific scars on my heart forever. Recurring dreams. Issues no therapist can fix.
My sisters are so very sorry for it now .. they say they will never forgive themselves. I forgive them – we grew up in such a toxic, dreadful family. Like an episode of Survivor – outwit outlast.
I went to ten schools – if I saw a hint of bullying I would make the loudest noise, point my finger. At home I was powerless.
Sorry for the heavy shiz! Now I need a cakie!
trudi@maudeandme says
Very important topic.Just from what I’ve seen parents of bullies like to pretend it isn’t happening. Sad.
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
I was fortunate enough not to be bullied. Teased every now and then, but nothing I would consider bullying.
I actually can’t remember much bullying at my school. I’m sure it was there, but perhaps not so prominent.
It makes me terribly sad. Even the smallest teasing can be devestating.
I try my best to teach my kids to always be respectful of others feelings. If my kids only learn one thing from me I hope it is that.
Miss Pink says
I’ve been both the bully and the bullied. I think it’s sort of natural for everyone to go through both sides at some point in their lives.
I fear it for my kids too. But I tend to lean more towards hoping that it will be very short lived. That I can explain to them and have them truely understand why bullying isn’t ok, and that they can always feel like they can confide in me if they are having a hard time from their peers.
I have apologised myself to a few people for bullying, or being quick to shun them from my life. I do feel guilty about being a bully to people, even if it was me standing my ground and responding to bullying from that person.
I have never been apologised to however. It doesn’t make me hate a person, but it does make me glad that they aren’t in my life.
Alice Becomes says
I have never ever liked groups of people ganging up one one. Especially against “those” kids. The ones who seem to get it from every direction…I see red. I remember sticking up for one of those girls once, she was teased every day by a group I was friends with – I have been taught to stick up for the little guy and I despise bullying.
But, you know, I have to say it, there were many many bad times in late primary/early high school, when it came to my own circle of girl friends. Times where I treated my friends horribly. I bitched, I teased, I ignored. I am not proud of it.
I know this sounds like I am contradicting myself. This is a loaded topic, I wasn’t a bully but I wasn’t a saint either.
Gill x
Anonymous says
I’m really not sure where the line between teasing and bullying lies (in the eye of the beholder?). Where-ever it lies I think its moved a lot since I was at school. Teasing, rituals of initiation etc were common place – most kids were on both sides at one stage or another. How do they see it now? I wonder? I flush with shame about some of the things I said to other girls and yet I wouldn’t have been considered a mean girl or a bully.
Sadly, I think, just about every child has it in them to tease, to find that weak point, to want to be part of the “cool” gang – even if only briefly.
rex says
Tomorrow I will write a big comment on this, it’s close to my heart. I was neither bullied nor did I bully anynyone. But it destroys peoples lives even when you are the bystander. I am too tired now! Thanks for your kind words on my blog today.
Jacki says
Woah, this is such a great post! I can’t say that I ever felt bullied but there was always an undercurrent of intimidation from the Mean Girls at school. And I do worry about what will happen to my children as they get older. I just hope that I can keep the lines of communication open with them as much as possible…. Thanks for such a thought-provoking post!
Tammi says
I have a female cousin who was one of the worst bullies I knew…she would terriorise anyone and at the time seemed to get great joy from her standing in the peeking order. As an adult she acknowledges what she did and over the years has made many an apology to those she wronged. To know her now you would not think she was the same person.
Jana Miller says
My best friend and I were really mean to one of the girls in our neighborhood…we would be nice and then mean.It was only when we were together. It was terrible…about 5th grade. I always felt bad about it. i was able to track her down online about 8 years ago and apologize. I’m thankful for the internet.
the Knobby Knitter says
In my “real world job” I educate on this topic. The main motivation for bullies is power and control. They want to be “top dog” and often are. Many bullies grow up to become “successful” leaders and bosses in the real world. You can identify them by their leadership style.
Lou says
I was bullied all through high school from the first year until halfway through year 5. I used to hate going to school, but did the whole ‘it’s better to walk away thing’ like my Mum taught me. They never did get fed up of bullying me. There was a group of 5 of them, all girls, because it was an all girls school. They used to call me names, hit me and generally make my life as miserable as they possibly could. Then one day in yr 5 one of them slapped me across the face during lunchtime. She asked me if I was just going to take it as usual. I said no I wasn’t. She asked if I was going to go and tell a teacher. I said no I wasn’t. She stood there looking really cocky and said ‘what you gonna do then?’ I punched her straight in the face, and while she was still doubled over and reeling from the shock, I grapped her by the throat, pinched her windpipe and kept punching her repeatedly in the face. She couldn’t do anything to me because I had her head pulled down. Eventually, someone pulled me off her – she had passed out! Someone got a teacher and an ambulance was called. She never did grass and tell them it was me – infact no-one ever did, and I went unpunished for my actions. My friends said it served the girl right for bullying me for so many years. I didn’t feel good about what I had done to this girl – something in me snapped and it wasn’t pretty.
No-one bullied me after that. Even now, almost 30 years later, if I ever see one of the girls who bullied me and they see me, they will cross the street to avoid me.
I’m still not proud of what I did back then, but I have to be honest and say that after 5 years of being a victim of bullying it was good to fight back…I’ve never done anything like since – it just isn’t me!
Sophie Slim says
I was a bully during high school. There, I said it.
I can say it because I realised what I was doing and I stopped.
During primary school I was the outcast, I was the one who was controlled by others, then came highschool and I discovered popularity and I realised that I could do the overbearing!! It happened so naturally for me. There was no physical voilence, but being a girl I was horrible to otheres, constantly putting them down, making them work for my attention, insults etc.
A few years of that and suddenly I lost my friends and I was all alone. That was a grim day. I realised then who I had become. Today, that is my history and I have appologised to most of the people who stick in my mind as ‘victims’.
It sounds so heavy when I say it like that, but I really do feel aweful for becoming that person.
B says
I don’t recall ever being bullied in school, but my older sister was. It ruined her life to a horrifying degree.
I tried to be nice to everyone and was one of those people who just floated from group to group.
However I can think of two times where I was the bully. One time was to stick up for my younger sister, but still, I should have gone to an adult for help. Instead I used the fact that I was older and threatened than little girl til she was way too scared to mess with my sister again.
the other time was in 9th grade. There was an awful girl that rode the bus. Loud, rude and sure that she owned that bus. I got so fed up wih the way she behaved that one day I grabbed all the pamphlets from the guidance counselor office and gave them to her one at a time on the bus explaining loudly in front of every one why she needed help in each area. I should have been the better person and ignored her but instead I made that girl cry. I’m not proud of this action and wish I could take it back.
That’s why I, like you, worry about my sons being bullied but am truley frightened of the thought that they might ever be a bully. I know my sons and trust them but I know myself too. If I could be pushed to behave that way that my sons are also at risk. It’s a sad fact and I hope it’s something I will never have to deal with.
Photographer Mum says
I was bullied in year 12 at school. One girl told the others in my group that I had said certain things about them which I hadn’t and managed to turn them against me. It was a very difficult year for me.
I remember also a few years later at my workplace, there was a girl there who wanted a particular position in the office which was given to a newcomer. He was a great guy (still is) but he copped a lot of flack from the girls in the office. One by one she’d turn our opinions to match hers (it didn’t help that I was a bit of a sheep – just wanted to blend in with the crowd), it was subtle to start with but then I realised what happened and how manipulative she was. I went straight up to the guy and apologised for my behaviour towards him. We are still friends to this day and I have a lot of respect for him. It felt good to break out of the mould and I am glad I did.
therhythmmethod says
Wow, this topic packs some punch. I haven’t read any comments yet, but will go back. Apologies if I am repeating from previous comments.
My dad was (is, as he’s still alive) a bully. He used this to control my siblings and my mum – being verbally abusive, intimidating, being unreasonable about where we could and couldn’t ‘be’ at home. I spent a few years in my teens hiding under a blanket on the couch, trying not to get in his way. He broke me, and I feel like I’ve spent the next half of my life trying to get over it (over him).
Looking back, I realise at times I was a bully to other kids at school. I guess I learned how to be a bully through being a victim.
When I was bullied in high school, it never hurt as much as the bullying at home. Those boys telling me I had a face like a baboon’s ass had nothing compared to dad’s cruel taunts.
The saddest part about all of this is that I knew what dad was doing was wrong, but mum never stood up to him. I did – swearing at him, yelling abuse back at him. It left me very confused and hurt as to what was the right thing to do.
I’m glad dad now lives interstate. I don’t want him having anything to do with my boys, who are sensitive, bright, affectionate little men. I don’t want him to break them like he broke me. x
Amelia {Weddings, Babies... Everything} says
When I was in Primary School I was a little bit of a bully – I’m so ashamed to admit it. But then come high school, when girls get nastier and know exactly how to push another girl’s buttons – it came back on my ten fold. That’s why I’ve become such a big believer in karma. The bullying got so bad that I ended up changing schools. One girl actually told me she hoped my Mum had a miscarriage when she was pregnant with my little sister. Who says that?!
Because of it all, I think I’ve become a much nicer person. Although I now avoid confrontation at all costs. But it taught me a lot about human nature and gave me the positive outlook I believe I have today. I judge others a lot less.
When it comes to my Little Miss though, I do worry. At 21 months, she has such a sweet disposition but I worry because I know just how nasty young girls can be. All I can do though, is trust my instincts as a parent and trust that what I teach her will enable her to make the right choices and not get involved in that kind of behaviour.
Great post Bron – you really got me thinking (as always). π x x x
Cheryl says
I was bullied as a child at primary school. When I walked home from school a girl would lie in wait for me and throw stones as I tried to get past. I cannot for the life of me remember why.
I’ve generally always been someone who flits between groups, never really committing but a few years back, I was having a hard time fitting into an office where the office manager was an out and out bully. To my shame, I didn’t defend the girl she was currently picking on. In fact I avoided her in order to protect myself. She was a nice girl but I always feel the rush of guilt when I think of her. I knew I was a coward. But ultimately I became the victim in the office and ended up leaving as a result. What goes around comes around I think.
Glen says
I was bullied both at school and in the Navy ( the school was nothing specific – just general ducking and diving from the main bully and never upset me at all, the Navy was a different matter…)
It broke my heart when I started to see that my boy has been bullied too at a very young age. Impossible to know what the right words are to go with the hugs π
shine little light* says
I was bullied so was my husband in high school, both of us being late bloomers. Husband went to his 10 year high school reunion last year and the guy who bullied him tirelessly for 10 years came straight up to him and said “Im so sorry for being a jerk to you for all those years, I feel awful, can I buy you a beer?” To which my husband said yes and no worries mate, how are you? How good is that? *s*
Ange Moore says
I was bullied a little bit when I was in Primary School but I worry that I may have been a bit of a “Mean Girl” in High School. I say this in retrospect – when I speak to old friends they seem to have a totally different recollection of events to me. But if I speak to different people they have a different recollection again – and when I think about it long and hard I think a lot of what happened was in retaliation for “Mean Girl” antics generally happening around the place.
Gabs says
I don’t have fond memories of school. In high school i was bullied & i still remember how awful it all was.
Im the Mama to 5 wonderful children & I’ve always taught them to treat others the way you would like to be treated. If they talk about a incident at school & they didn’t act as well as they could have we chat about how they could have done it differently & 9 times out of 10 they will go & apologise to the other person the next day.
One of our children was bullied in his first year at high school we tried to get the school to help but no-one would, we tried everything he changed schools but by then his self esteem had been destroyed. our sons behaviour changed he became unruly & he went down the wrong path. I haven’t seen him for 3 years. i miss my sweet boy.
thesoundandthefury says
oh to re-open the old wounds…
I, too, am afraid that my kids will go through the same thing. Fortunately they are all very good looking (they have their mother’s looks) and have none of my physical shortcomings. Thus far, they have escaped all the issues and I hope it continues.
I, like others who have commented, are ashamed of who they were as a person in their teenage years. Being bullied I had a crisis of self-confidence and had no idea about the fact that we constantly change ourselves, and as a result can be a better person over time. I hated myself and lacked confidence to the point where a number of wonderful opportunities and possibilities were missed due to my lack of faith in myself – not wanting to get hurt or laughed at meant I never tried anything too outrageous. I have also kind of avoided school reunions because I really don’t want to revisit the crisis of confidence by teenage self was.
Funny thing is, the guy who was my main tormentor at primary school became a really great friend of mine in year 9 and in the years following in high school. We shared a great love of music and were allies in music classes, often playing and writing music together, until he was expelled in year 11…
Kelly says
Skye told me last night that there is a boy in her class that is calling her names…she tried to tell her teacher about it and she told Skye she didn’t want to hear any stories. She’s only in prep, I don’t know whats the best way to handle it.
Lady Koukou says
After reading all your comments I feel like I should say I was either bullied or the bullier – but unless something was directed from or at by a sibling then I cannot remember. I remember people being teased at school and perhaps that would now be rebranded as Bullying? Back when I was a young girl (wow that is making sound old!) I don’t feel the teasing was on the level it it today. Children seem so much more direct in some of the accusations and cruelty, and they seem to set out with the intention to hurt and cause pain to someone. Don’t get me started on the whole cyber bully thing – as a mum of 2 teenage girls it is a frightening topic – you are combining teenagers who think they are bullet proof behind the security of a computer screen & the answer is trouble.
Interesting topic
Melissa *Suger Coat It* says
I was definitely bullied and was a bully too. For me it was exercising what little power I had. Always verbally, I considered myself smarter than most and would demonstrate this given the opportunity. No matter the effect on others.
Today, I am embarrassed and ashamed by some of my behaviour. I wonder too what others think of me. I have apologised. And I’m not sure it made a difference. But I hope it did.
There. Now you know. You can all go and unfollow my blog now. π
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
Gosh, how to comment on this post?!
I wouldn’t even know where to start.
But I will say, bullying changes the course of people’s lives.
And it saddens me beyond description.
Years and years after my bullying experiences, I was ‘friend requested’ by one of the bullies on Facebook. I could. Not. Believe. It!
Curiosity got the better of me, and although I absolutely did not accept the friend request, I typed a message asking why on earth they would friend request me after what they had done?
Would you believe they honestly couldn’t remember?!
Sickening.
I truly believe bullies just don’t get the impact of their bullying. It’s an impact that can only be felt by the ‘victim’.
Fabulous post xx
Poppy says
@ Sugar Coat it – I don’t find any shame in admitting some of the things we have done in the past. I am sure we all have ghosts in our closets are are not proud of and I am a firm believer you do what you do at the time based on the knowledge you have.
Don’t be so hard on yourself – good on you for speaking up and being honest.
Happy days to you xx
Lauren says
I recently found out that a good friend from primary school had a really hard time. Her family went away fro 6 months and then returned. I adored her and was so happy when she came back. But some others weren’t…but I have no recollection of sticking up for her or being in the group that were being mean! It’s a tough one and unfortunately can have life long effects π all you can do is teach your kids the best you can…and I think you’re doing that! xx
Diminishing Lucy says
I recently came upon a Farcebook Group of my old year at school.
Nearly the whole year (class of 1987, fuck that makes me feel old) are now members, including the bullies.
They still live in the same mean streets, in the same town, and are still quite resentful and insecure and mean. And they still stick together. I found them lame then, and they are still lame now.
xx
rex says
I lied.
I was bullied/abused. I just forgot I was.
How?… Well my whole primary school years I was a bystander to Bullying that manifested into the continuing rape of a young girl that was targeted and subjected to it every day. Small school. bad culture. fucked up young boys being very sneaky. It was excepted that she was the guinea pig. I feel sick. When I was old enough to understand the wrongness of this, the memories faded. But not for her.
When I hit high-school. Big school. I was teased about my breasts, bailed up in the corridors and groped by two outcast boys, saw me as a soft target. I Just excepted that this was the way of the world. It stopped after a while. The memories of this got stuffed away with the earlier ones. Shame, Disgust. so many hang ups and confidence issues. I had survived the bullies from primary school untouched, so for it to happen to me at this forming stage.. I was horrified. I told them to fuck off. But it means nothing to them. you can see it in their own traumatized sick eyes.
It starts from home, how you raise your children, you teach them that you have to tell people, you are kind to all, you dont bystander and let the culture manifest. you tell and let the bullies, abusers know that they are wrong and no-one finds them funny, you have to tell.
Its so hard, my friend from primary school, she survived and is the most beautiful person, shes not angry, she forgives, she sees the world as a beautiful place now.
Only after a couple of stomach pumps, torment, low, low ,low crappiest of crap times.
I have so much to say on this, I just can not go-on.
I feel for all.
Bullying is NOT just bullying in manifest into all sorts of bad shit.
Rhonda says
I was bullied really badly in school once people found out my family was poor. I kept it hidden while I went to a “rich” school for a whole year, then it was found out. It was so bad I transferred schools, but never quite recovered. My second stepfather bullied everyone around him.
I picked on a girl once. I said some mean things to her when she was not doing anything. I did it because everyone else was. I cried all night about it and apologized to her the very next day. I felt terrible. I still do actually.
I think it is a problem when people don’t even recognize that they are bullying someone. It is one thing to realize what you are doing is wrong and try to make amends, but to deny that you ever hurt someone….
Heather says
I went to an all girls school and there were some really nasty bitchy girls there. I was bullied a little bit but nothing significant fortunately but I saw alot go on. There were times I remember where I should have intervened but didn’t as I was scared of getting picked on myself. I wish I had done something.
I really believe that parents know if their kids are bullies…they just pretend they do not know. I would be horrified if my kids were and would do all in my power to put a stop to it.
xx
rex says
Sorry for the swearing! I was a swearer, then stopped when kids arrived, But every now and then it comes back when I become passionate about something.
Down that Little Lane says
Sadly I was both…I was bullied because I was really good at sports and competed about 2 yrs above my age group (such fabulous ammunition for the jealous types). We were always in groups so I don’t recall ever doing any solo bullying and the whole thing was always a bit tit for tat but I am pretty sure I had a vicious tongue when I had the backing.
The one thing I recall more than anything is not so much the things I actually said to someones face.. it was more what I said behind their back that always got back to them somehow (derrr) and often what I even made up to make myself look better!!.
As adults I know we can look back and be mortified by our actions (yes I am) and lots say they never did that sort of thing but I did and I am a shocker now for stepping on any nasty words I hear between teenagers around the sports fields.. I really must learn to stop for the sake of my kids as I am sure they will go through the same and I will be there to support them but I won’t fight the battles I think they will have to do that. It hurts me to know so but its just another life lesson… a shitty one x
Broni says
This is a really interesting topic. I have enjoyed reading your post and all of the comments.
For me I was teased and bullied most of my school life. I guess I was and remain today a little bit different {geeky} and was a easy target for bullies. Today I don’t really socialise that much with people from school so don’t really think about it.
I think when looking at bullying today my first thoughts go to question what the function of this behaviour is. IMHO it is to illegitimately exert power or influence over others. Often as also a public punishment for the breaking of social norms within a group. The answer I don’t have is how to prevent this behaviour being reinforced and thereby discourage it. I just don’t think that ‘just say no’ to bullying really cuts it.
Jen R says
Wow, such a important topic. I have just left my job/profession of Nursing after 23yrs and Bullying is alive and well in the health industry, one of the reasons I left! I was often the mediator and would often have mature staff in my office in the “crying chair” because someone else had bullied them at work. I tried and tried to change the culture but in the end I walked for my own sanity.
My son was physically bullied at school for a few months last year, he didnt tell anyone as he thought he deserved it. It wasnt until I saw the bruises and went to the school with intention to involve the police…it was assult…the school then took it very seriously and I am happy to report my boy is thriving and doing so well this year
Lizeylou says
Tricky tricky one …. I certainly dont remember being bullied or bullying others – and I too hold my breathe and hope my kids dont suffer from this. SOmetimes this parenting thing is all really hard!
MummyK says
Never been bullied but I have bullied someone in my 20s….
Kymmie says
I was bullied. Badly. Left the school. It was a girl who use to be my friend. And then really, really wasn’t.
From that day on, I swore I would never try to upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. Of course, I have. But never on purpose.
Made me all sensitive and caring like. Perhaps it was a good thing? But still, bad, bad memories about the bullying!
xx
kristen says
Wow reading all these comments brings back loads of memories.. From the moment I stepped into my high school gates older girls picked on me they wrote nasty things on walls about me and sent me anon text messages and spread rumours.. The sad part is, in later years I beacame just the same as those girls, I wispered behind backs, teased and bullied. High school is such a hard time, Looking back now I feel so ashamed because of some of the things I did. Being the bully ment that it wasn’t me being bullied it ment that I fitted in.. Didn’t it? I am sad to say that I was a bully, thankfully I am far from it now. I guess everything you do in life helps you become who you are today and I have learnt from my mistakes and grown up. I hope my kids are never bullied and I hope like hell they are never the bully.
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
sadly yes to both…..i picked on a girl for two days in primary school and then felt terrible!!! it was a low point for me….
And then…in high school I was pretty much bullied for about 4 years. Yuck! Strangely though some changed their ways, and apologised. it was a small school. i had to suck it up and get on with it! I hope your little feeling about Capper’s group helps you stay in tune with what’s going on. it’s the parents who don’t even notice little signs that can’t help, and then it’s too late
π
xx