Bet you’re striving to be happy. Bet it’s on your list for things you wish for your children too.
Are you happy? Am I? Does happiness even exist?
I think it’s just an adjective used to describe a simplistic state of being. Life is much too complicated to allow us to be happy. I mean, are you happy if you have a wonderful family life but at the expense of your career? Are you happy if you’ve got a great career but can’t seem to find the right man? Are you happy if you’ve had a rough childhood that you can’t let go of? If you’re poor? If you’re fat? If you’re overlooked? Are you happy if your child isn’t happy?
Worse than that, happiness is a whole industry these days. Take The Happiness Institute, whose catchphrase is ‘life is too short not to be happy’ (you can open your own franchise, if you’re interested). And just take a look at all the books available to help you get happy – titles include Being Happy; Happier, Stumbling upon Happiness; Happy for no Reason; What Happy Women Know; and, of course, 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People.
Happiness is kinda sad when you think about it.
That’s why I’m not going for it. It’s not on my list. I don’t think happiness is the be all and end all and I actually think that thinking we should be happy is making us all very, very sad.
It seems to me that if we’re preoccupied with our own state of happiness, we need to get preoccupied with doing something else altogether. What other generation every thought about this ‘am I happy?’ bollocks? Getting on with the difficult business of living – with joy, with emptiness, with kindness, with contentment, with fear, with loneliness, with stoicism, with ecstacy – probably kept them far too busy to give their happiness or lack thereof a second thought. A life was filled with purpose and the rest just took care of itself.
Purpose. Yep, boring old purpose. That’s the dream. That’s what ‘happiness’ looks like to me.
Kate says
I am pretty obsessed with remaining as happy at home as I have been on the road over the past few months. Here is my happiness recipe: http://foxslane.blogspot.com/2011/10/my-happiness-recipe.html
See what you think. x
Bri says
I’m fat. And I am quite happy. And when I am unhappy, it isn’t because I am fat.
Posie Patchwork says
Like Kate, happiness has a recipe with lots of different ingredients & variations & outcomes!! It’s so relative to personal choice. I’m happy, it’s a state of mind & also protection. Right now major factors in my life couldn’t be worse – a mother who doesn’t know who i am anymore (Alzheimer’s) & my husband away at war (Afghanistan). Yet, i still feel happy & make positive decesions as an example to my children & well being.
It’s dangerous to think “i’ll be happy when . . .” as you may as well be happy in the moment, now.
Something along the same lines i loathe is the “dream house” myth. We’re going to build an awesome home next year, but i refuse to call it the “dream house” as it sounds like something which can be crushed. It will just be the house which is extremely suitable to our needs & after it empties out of children in a decade or so, where is the dream then??
On a final note, my husband used to say “i just want to be content” & it used to drive me nuts, it’s so mediocre but he just wasn’t raised with the happiness i was, it was almost like he was afraid to seek out true happiness. I beat it into him eventually. Love Posie
the textured leaf says
Oh man! you ask the hardest questions!
For me happiness equals contentment. Contentment in whatever matters to us at that point in time. Whether that is helping others, being a good mother, being kind, etc.
Thats all, 🙂
Ms Jelena says
I believe in happiness. And I find it when I’m not obsessing over it and trying to hold onto it. It hides in the simplest things <3
therhythmmethod says
Yes! I’m printing this puppy out and sticking it on the fridge, the place I usually go looking for happiness. x
the textured leaf says
I stupidly didnt read posie’s comment first before posting my own…oh well.
Kerry says
Yes I believe in happiness, and I don’t think it’s sad at all. It’s just not a permanent state. It doesn’t exist in perpetuity. Recognising it when it’s staring you in the face is the trick I think.
joanna says
I agree…happiness doesn’t usually come the more you chase it but sometimes when you least expect it. And the attachment to being happy simply makes it more of a struggle. I also think it’s far too simplistic to say ‘just be happy’…well, I guess if most of us could, we would. And of course, there ARE things you can do to become happier. I like your emphasis on purpose…it’s what my grandparents had, and I think they were truly happy within.
Jane says
A good poser, Bron. I am reading ‘The Happiness Project’ (go to http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/) to find out more about it. It’s really down-to-earth and thought-provoking. I think I’ll actually practise what she preaches. J x
ally says
Ah… but the purpose has to be worthwhile or fulfilling or what is the point?
So maybe what we’re all desperately seeking is fulfillment/contentment?
thesoundandthefury says
I just read Posey’s comments above and all of a sudden it doesn’t make my own issues look so bad. That’s not to trivialise her situation – far from it. What it means for me is that I really need to stop and smell the roses once in a while.
I’m not sure what your always insightful and lively readership thinks on this issue, but the main barrier to my happiness is my depression. I should be happy – there is no conceivable why I should not be – work is good, family life is good, great kids, not fighting with my partner much these days, food on the table and all that. And yet, I still have this dark feeling, this ever-present moderate sadness there. By moderate I mean not sad enough to burst into tears, but down enough to not want to achieve anything or to be motivated enough to do anything. The sad thing is, as much as I hate it, it feels familiar, lived in, comfortable, like an old t-shirt. But like an old t-shirt, it has holes and is ugly and it needs chucking out…
…anyway enough miserable crap. Let’s go harvest some happiness!
Miss Mandy says
happiness comes and goes, and very quickly when surrounded by children. one minute I’m extremely happy and then the next day, frustrated overwhelmed and tired.
I try not to beat myself up over it and accept it for what it is. But I do try to be happy.
**Anne** says
That word bollocks, it’s such a great word isn’t it? He, he. Happiness…hmmm, big subject. I bet you were happy at your daughters recent rainbow birthday party! Happy ‘cos it went well, happy that it was over when it was ‘cos you were stuffed from all that hard work that went into it. I even hazard a guess that you went all out with that gorgeous birthday party ‘cos doing those sorts of things makes you happy and content. It’s what rocks your world! Yes? 🙂 God I hope so, otherwise you’ve expended an awful lot of energy for nothing. 🙂
I think happiness means different things to different people and sometimes gets confused with contentment.
I’m happy when I’m not depressed. When I’m not depressed I can do anything and that makes me happy.
Anne xx
MultipleMum says
You are a lot more like Mum than I thought. That is all. x
Sarah says
Kind of had to giggle at your comment box wishing me a happy day after reading your post!
rex says
Happiness is sometimes a over indulged western tern. Unhappiness is when blogger f&@Ks you over and eats your profoundly philosophical comment.
You are a deep thinker, and I think you might be on to something here. Just to cut it short.
Mum on the Run says
I’m okay with being happy.
I’m not okay with people trying to ‘prove’ their happiness, rub it in people’s faces or use it to supposedly hurt others.
I also can’t stand when people rely on others to determine their so-called ‘happiness’.
Life can’t be perpetually happy.
That’s an immature dream.
I think we need to be free to feel all emotions and weather some storms – without a fake smile plastered on.
We also need to be brave enough to make positive changes in life – rather than be ‘happy’ with an ill fit.
Big question, there.
Happy thinking!!
🙂
InkPaperPen says
Benjamin Hoff wrote about this in his book The Tao of Pooh,about happiness being a preoccupation that makes you just the opposite.
I don’t believe that happiness exists in the way it is sold to us.
My Mum and Nana share your opinion. Nana says she didn’t have time to ponder happiness. And I believe her. It’s funny because I always think of her as a woman who laughs a lot!
Enjoyed reading this…
jody says
I am happy. I’ve had a rough childhood, I am fat and overlooked, i have my bad days and feel similar to what you wrote, but underneath all the day to day stuff, i know i am happy. It looks like love i think.
x
Mama of 2 boys says
I agree there seems to be a total preoccupation with being happy all the time… and that IS a bloody tiring notion.
It is near impossible to be happy ALL the time, about every single component of one’s life.
I’m with you,I far prefer the thought of having a life with purpose, than a constantly happy one.
What’s a life without contrast anyway, mind numbingly boring is my guess.
Vanessa says
I am happy, it beats being miserable.
Diminishing Lucy says
I don’t go looking for it, I just am.
If I am not, it’s becasue of a niggle – a worry – an emotional, physical or literal worry.
Fix the little worry, I revert to happy again.
When I lie in bed at night, am I worried about anything? Nope? Then I am happy.
Simple as that for me.
Amy xxoo says
I think happiness, for me, is more equated with contentment. Yes, you can be missing a few things – like the perfect job, or an exciting social life, or your dream home – but as long as you are content with what you DO have, then you’re more than likely to be happy.
Does that make sense?
Vicky says
interesting…
this morning I woke, and felt a tad guilty that I’m happy. I’m kicking goals, ticking off boxes, life feels good…
So how’s that for self sabotage?
Mrs Average says
I find getting too deep takes the edge off of being happy, so I shall keep this one brief (unusually).
I am content.
Life isnt hunky dorey; work, money, kids, family and a half finished house all take their toll. But I am content and to me that is happy.
Corinne – Daze of My Life says
Personally I think happiness is a myth. I think it’s like the ‘you can have it all’ myth. I don’t really like the idea that it’s thrown upon us all the time that we have to be happy. It’s like some kind of nirvana that we have to achieve and if we don’t we’re failures.
You can’t have happiness without sadness and fear. I personally want to experience all the emotions and states life throws at us – joy, grief, wonder, fear, – after all that’s what life’s all about.
Rhonda says
I agree with the commenter above me who wants to experience the full range of human emotions. For me I am happy, but I have learned that for me being blissful is about appreciating the little things and choosing not to focus on the things that bug me. Somedays I fail. Somedays I don’t.
Felicity says
Ironically my name means happiness but I agree with you that time spent sorting the dust in my navel is far less likely to induce a state of well-being and joy as mixing it up with others and working towards making life richer.
A quote I often share with the kids is:
“The more you give, the more you get.
The more you laugh, the less you fret.
The more you do unselfishly, the more you live abundantly.”
Twee I know but definitely true.
Veggie Mama says
I see life as a series of moments… if the positive ones outweigh the negative ones, I call that happy x
Heather says
I don’t think happiness is a myth…it just depends on your definition of it. I am happy, some days I am sad, other days I am overwhelmed and other days I am a bit of everything. What I aim to feel, which doesn’t always happen, is grateful. I am grateful for what I have – my family, my friends, my home, my country. I think if you can practise being grateful you find happiness. reading back over my comment is sounds completely wanky but it is honestly how I feel. I did a meditation course about 4 years back and that really focused on bringing mindfullness into your life, which I think brings gratefullness and then happiness. I don’t know. Hmmm…great post hon. xxx
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
Wow, you have opened up a can of worms here haven’t you?
I don’t believe we can achieve or maintain ‘happiness’ the way we like to think we can. It is a bit of an enigma really.
I like to think that I am searching for a contentment, which is more than just being content, it is being fulfilled, happy, content and at peace with myself and the world. A kind of enlightenment I guess, and I try to be that way each day rather than having an ‘ultimate’ goal.
Fantastic thought provoking post Bron. x
M Violetta says
Very very well said – questioned….!
Maybe for some of us happiness is the descriptor of embracing all those wonderful emotions you wrote…joy, fear, contentment. Wonderful because they are both diverse in the experience of them, powerful of their own accord – and inevitable….
Battling them – avoiding them – repressing them, certainly can lead to some serious unhappiness.
I’m not sure what the books say but I do hope they address healthy emotion.
Thanks for the clarity and gentle force of your words – refreshing! Mika
Naturally Carol says
I think joy outweighs happiness. Joy comes despite circumstances. Yesterday I had some time of complete joy when it seemed that bubbles of it just came from inside of me and erupted in laughter on the outside..delicious moments! That subsided but I walked in a warm, I’m-loved-and-cared-for feeling all day. Where did that come from? Heaven.
Lisa says
I think happiness is trite. It’s circumstantial, not substantial.
Joni Llanora says
What a great perspective. I was once obsessed with material stuff thinking if I have this or that then I’ll be the happiest. Turns out just seeing a rainbow can bring me a better high.
Bungalowgirl says
Happiness is like a block of chocolate. Except you don’t ever get to eat the whole block at once (which is unfortunately my preference). Instead you get a bite sized piece most days, that you can savour and enjoy so long as you are not focused on eating the whole block.Sense of purpose is important but living without joy kills your soul. The way back from joylessness is gratitude- and each small thing stands out more and more. Perhaps previous generations also survived more hardship so it was easier for them to appreciate the small things. melx
michele says
happiness doesn’t just happen. there are all sorts of things we can be intentional about in order to find more. but for me personally, i am living more fully by thinking of life as a lesson, a training ground (does this sound pathetic?) and not a place that is going to bring me a bunch of ‘happy.’ i love to learn so this really resonates with me rather than feeling hopeless.
michele
Megan Blandford says
It is a simplistic word, but such a complex state of being. It’s a fleeting feeling – but doing the things I enjoy and being with the people I love usually keeps things right in my world.
Kymmie says
This is such a fabulous article. I’ve got a half written post about the state of happiness. It was brought on by a friend who, recently separated from his wife, was analysing everyone else’s happiness.
He thought every had a lot of unhappy in them.
How on earth do you judge that?
I think I’m naturally a happy person, but there are definitely aspects of my life I’m unhappy about.
And that’s okay. (Isn’t it?)
xx
Anna Bartlett says
This fixation on happiness can be very selfish. I’d like to see more people think about genuinely helping others and the concept of ‘service’ and they might just realise that happiness settles around them. That’s my two cents!
Zoe says
I believe happiness is a way of life – not something to possess or strive to attain, but a mindset. I wrote about this a while ago:
http://barefoot-mummy.livejournal.com/2011/12/04/