Look at that. Are you melting? This idea is so adorable and it’s on my list of ‘things to do immediately’. It’s such a great way to snapshot our children’s year – what they looked like, what they liked, what they did. I can see a little 21 page book being presented to each of them on their 21st birthday… if books still exist then, of course.
It’s got me thinking, though. Most things get me thinking one way or another, right?
Well, this is what I’m thinking now…
Too much?
This incessant need we parents have to document our child’s every move? To photograph and write it down and sometimes to wrap it all up in a professionally bound book and present it to them on their 21st birthday. Is it too much?
It’s not natural, that’s for sure. I don’t think we were born to know the exact minute that we first smiled or walked or pooed in a toilet and it’s definitely not natural that someone videotaped it. I’m pretty sure that all this parental documentary making means our children won’t get to have the same sense of nostalgia about their lives that we are blessed with. Those magical family talks where you’re all trying to agree what really happened on the 1982 road trip. Or was it 1983?
Not our kids. We’re basically recording their every move, but it’s our own version of their childhood that we’re producing. We style them and pose them a little bit but not too much and then we take their picture. We’re not recording their thoughts or feelings or flit-in-flit-out dreams or any of the other important bits that shape a memory, a life. The thread that weaves all that reality and a sense of self together in a person’s own mind.
The sense of self we are giving to our children is perhaps a little inflated, don’t you think? 20,000 photographs all starring… you, you, all you! Videos, booklets, wall art, blogs, journals, coffee cups… you, you, all you!
At the park the other day I saw a mother taking photos of her daughter at play. Miss 4 paused and posed and played and paused and posed and played. My first thought was “the only time that kid smiles is when the camera is in her face”… no, actually, my first thought was “does that mum blog?”, but my second thought was much more important. The only time she smiled was when the camera was in her face.
Too much?
[Image by Lisa Lucky]
Diminishing Lucy says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diminishing Lucy says
On the other hand, I am a younger child out of five siblings. I have nothing aside from a 5 second cine clip. And that makes me a little sad.
That said, I am remiss in comparison to many – my blog, these days, is about it. My kids feature a bit, I guess?
I feel guilt that I can’t recall little details like how old was Lexie when walked? NFI. Bad mother….
Jo @Countrylifeexperiment says
YES!!! I’m not saying it is a bad thing to love your kids, or want to take lots of photos of them etc, but it’s not good for kids to have the false idea that the whole world revolves around them. I teach so many kids who are rude, and unable to wait for attention or help. I hate to think how they would be when they grow up, and find out that they really are not the center of the universe. Now I sound like a grumpy old lady, but I do think that preparing your children for life is the job of a parent, and false expectations just lead to disappointment.
Sam-O says
I am a scrapbooker and I do a 24page 8×8 photo album (single photo most pages with a couple on about 3 pages) for my Aunt in Qld from my boys. It starts in Summer after Xmas and ends with the Santa photo. I include things that matter to them and key moments and things they like in the year. It always amazes me how concisely it sums up my kids and how much better record of the year it is than my 12×12 album I have for each of them. I did this years on Sunday afternoon and I love it so much I almost didn’t post it today.
What I am saying is, yes we get so caught up we miss the important stuff that usually happens by accident.
Felicity says
Two ‘goodies’ in a day Bron – nice work.
We have two teens in our home and their cameras & laptops are THE most treasured items in their lives – they are recording every element of their lives and then sharing it with the world [their world at least] on FB, Tumblr, you name it.
One of my SILs commented that when she went to school if she lingered in front of the mirror for what the nuns deemed to be an inappropriately long time, they were in big trouble – vanity being one of the sins…..but I wonder, is all this photo taking vanity, self-absorbtion, self-expression, communication?
Will be popping back to see what your readers have to say – pure gold this one, pure gold.
fx
Shelley @ My Shoebox Life says
I wonder this too. I try not to take too many photos of Miss A, and she is yet at the stage where she would even pose if I wanted her to! I do try to get a shot of her doing something different every month or so just so that she has a collection that shows her playing, in the garden, at the beach, in her cubby, at the zoo, not for the fact that I want her to have a million photos, but I’d like her to see herself doing things she’ll never remember. I’m a big believer in less is more – I take a shot or two and I’m done. I don’t look back at them on the digital camera at the time either, I wait until I load them onto the computer. What I capture in that moment is what should be captured. xx
Life love, clutter and other beautiful things. says
Cute! In moderation xox
Jen R says
Too much for sure…just need enough really embarrasing photos for thier 21st, 3 or 4 should do the trick :O
InkPaperPen says
I have thought about writing a similar post but couldn’t articulate it as well as you just did here.
“The sense of self we are giving to our children is perhaps a little inflated, don’t you think? 20,000 photographs all starring… you, you, all you!” – Love this sentence. I couldn’t agree more!
I am bad with the photo thing. I rarely use a camera. My poor neglected children.
Jules says
I have to confess, I’ve taken a zillion photos of my wee man. However my reasoning is, my parents live in NZ and don’t get over to Oz often so I send them regular photos so they don’t feel like they’re missing out. We do have skype but our webcam is currently on the blink so need a new one!
I’m in the process of making a book of photos. I think of them as the new form of photo albums. I don’t often look at the pics I’ve taken on the computer but like to take the books I’ve made off the shelf and have a flick through every now & then.
Jodi @ Lipgloss Mumma says
I’m a bit torn on this one. I know myself my photo’s are the most important thing to me (apart from my family, but that goes without saying).
I don’t have a lot of photo’s from when I grew up and the fact that my mother passed away when I was 15 has had a big impact on what I do to document my children’s lives.
I take lots of photo’s, do a basic scrapbook and a journal of letters to my children (written on their birthday once a year). I want them to know about themselves and our lives – even if I am not around to tell them.
Oh Bron…so much more to say, I feel a blog post coming on .
xx
MummyK says
I wrote about this but didn’t blog it. Why won’t people take photos of funerals and sorrowful moments? Why do we only take photos of happy faces? Why does it need to be posed? I document in case I get alzhemeirs in the future but I want to document reality, not poses.
rex says
I am always thinking about this. Always! I try not to take too many pictures of my kids, but the other day my 4 year old was looking at photos on my iPod touch, I got sidetracked, and when I went to retrieve it from her, she had worked out the camera. She had taken over a hundred photos of herself in about 2 minutes. Almost exactly in the same position, just pulling funny faces. She thought it was hilarious!
I would some how like to keep the magic of special photos. I also try to only take one of something, if it is not a good pic, well it was Ment to be that way.
Red Dalish says
One of my favourite photos of my son is one of him bawling at about 5 months. I love the authenticity of the photo. I loved him in that moment, as much as I love him when he is smiling and gorgeous.
Mum on the Run says
I’m ridiculous and over the top with the photo thing.
Especialy when it comes to Magoo.
But I’m also conscious of living an actual life on the other side of the lens – one that may or may not be documented.
Always with the balance.
can’t get enough of the balance!!
🙂
Vanessa says
Scrap booker, need I say more? Although rather than document every photo I have taken, I do lots of single photo layouts with journalling about feelings and thoughts (often hidden in the page).
I have three tiny photos of myself aged less than ten.
Corinne – Daze of My Life says
You know, I was thinking about this the other day. As little D came early nothing was organised, in fact my mum went OS and accidentally took my camera with her. So the only photos we have of him of his first few days are on my phone.
I started thinking about this, then felt terrible. Then I remembered there are exactly zero photos of me while I was in hospital and a grand total of about 6 from the first year of my life. I don’t feel neglected or lacking.
Simoney says
Oooh! Interesting!
I know what you mean!
Hmmmm…
I think my kids pretty much ignore the camera now. There’s not much posing goes on. Except from the littlest one.
He hasn’t learnt to ignore it yet.
He still smiles, poses and runs to see how he looks on the camera screen.
The others just frown and groan… “Awww mum!” and then ignore me.
Not too much styling going over here.
BUT I take your point.
They grow up thinking they’re the stars of the show… then what??
xx
craftingonthecoast says
Bingo! Have been pondering this for a while. Have to say at the moment I am paralysed – see things like your post pic and get paralysed with fear! Have I missed the boat? Will I be deemed a poor mother when my kids dont have the 21 page book? Oldest is 13, youngest 9…missed the boat!!
paula @ podand3peas says
my little jack just turned five and his list would be identical !! especially the spongebob bit, “oh waiiiiter” …..
KAT says
I do think we have gone too far. I wish we could find a happy medium between too much and too little. I see too many children that are growing up thinking the universe revolves around them and I do believe the over indulgence of loving, well-meaning parents and grandparents contributes to this. Good post.
Amy says
I think our kids become what we let them become. If we always get them to pose then they become posers. I take more than my fair share of photos, but quite often I don’t include heads … intentionally. I love the details of little hands playing, constructing and writing. I love feet in mud, gumboots or bare. Putting the camera down on the ground and seeing what you come up with is also an eye opener, not just for how much I really need to vac!
It’s all perspective and balance, I love photos and I love stories and one day I hope it is the stories the kids are more interested in … but I do reserve the right to hold on to any worthwhile bribing material!
Cheryl Roth says
Interesting thoughts. I have worked as a professional children’s & family photographer and sometimes it could be a little irritating how the parents would demand a certain type of pose, smile or outfit. The photographer wants to interact with the children and get natural shots, but the parents often didn’t get what we were trying to do and they wanted to control everything according to their own agenda.
However, my grown kids are very happy that we have lots of photo albums of their lives growing up, all candid shots though, never posed.
Kristy says
I love project life by becky higgins, most photos are snaps taken on my iphone, kids looking/not looking, everyday life photos and journalling – something funny my kids said, or that we did, or what i think. I hope I love looking back on the photo books later on. Simple and easy and upto date. My memory is not great, I need something!
alison@thisbloominglife says
It’s a double edged sword for sure. I physically cringe at some of the things bloggers share with the world about their children. Sometimes it is simply just too much. But…I’m useless at documenting our lives. There will be very few embarassing 21st photos in our household.
Miss Pink says
I think yes and no.
I think there are parents who are overbearing with it. Their kid is their special little snowflake and can do absolutely no wrong, but there are parents who couldn’t care less.
Seriously, my best friend has less than 10 pictures of her one and a half year old. I have more pictures of her daughter!
I think there is a balance we need to find. I tend to take a stack of photo’s in one day once a month. I hate that, I wish it were a couple here or there, so that my children have that option to look back.
I think it becomes too much when the child cannot live without the attention, without the impulse to pose for a photo every time they do something else, for example.
I do like your idea though. I might have to steal that. 21 photo’s with a little word cloud would be a beautiful gift for a 21st. It’s not too much in my opinion.
Photographer Mum says
Definitely food for thought right there!
For my 21st, my mum gave me a photo album of my life which I appreciate enormously because it is a record of the first 21 years of my life. I like looking through it and showing the kids what I looked like as I grew up. I want to do the same thing for my kids too. I think most people like to have them as records, to say “I was here” and “this is me”, proof of their existence so to speak. Life is so fleeting and it’s impossible to remember everything so we take photos to remind us. I think it is a wonderful way to record what you do and show the following generations – I know I love the stories and photos of my family from generations ago, I only wish there were more, but in saying that, I also love the mystery and intrigue behind some of them.
I have a few thousand photos of my kids (over 5 years) – not intentional – but I am a fan of having a series of 3-5 photos of a particular scene if the mood strikes, so I often take more than one shot of whatever/whoever the subject is.
I think too, that with today’s technology, it is very easy to take a lot more photos because you can delete on the spot if you want to and take it again without having to waste film and therefore money on getting more rolls developed.
As a photographer, I can totally relate to what Cheryl Roth said from the professional side of things and it can be very frustrating when people want posed shots because they can be extremely difficult to get. Natural shots win hands down with every shoot I do and have done in the past.
I do think it can be taken too far in some cases but for the most part I think parents are just proud and want to celebrate the lives they have grown and created. After all, people are fascinating creatures.
BLWC says
My mum kept a diary of sorts after I was born and I loved reading it when I was old enough to. I really got a sense of how special I was to my parents as their first child, so I’ve tried to do the same for my son. Whether he’ll care or not is a different story, but it’s important to me to keep a record, because I forget it all so quickly! I’ve been completely remiss while I’ve been pregnant the 2nd time around and I’m convinced that I’m doing baby number 2 a disservice, chances are he/she will be the one wanting to know all the details and look at endless photos and they won’t be there!
With number one, I go through phases where I feel guilty for not recording those big special moments so I pull out the camera or the baby book and make some haphazard notes. I often feel like, by spending so much time and energy trying to get that perfect shot, I’m missing the moment itself, so I can’t win really! Anyway, I love the idea of creating something small like the photo you’ve posted, every year for posterity, and if it means my kids know they’re the stars in my universe, all the better. We can keep their feet on the ground when the camera’s away.
Sammie says
Granted that Abi is only 15 weeks old… But I hardly ever get to snap a smile, but rather I enjoy the smiles I’m getting… Oh and I always seem to miss them when I do try to photograph them!
Naturally Carol says
I was terrible at taking photos of my kids growing up, so usually the grandparents would take them on visits..a couple of times a year and print doubles for me which I have kept in albums. This actually worked quite well and documents their growing up nicely alongside a lot of shared memories which are interesting in a family of seven as everyone has a differing story! Documentation is fine as long as there is a lot of living as well..the memories of the experience are actually the best. Do you remember grandparents and parents sitting around with rellies and friends just chatting about family goings on..that is where I think I picked up most of my anecdotal family history, not in photos.
therhythmmethod says
Agreed. I was about to fly into a rant but … yep. I agree.
The thing that drives me completely batty is that kids have their names on everything. EVERYTHING. It’s a little too Madonna for me. I was lucky if mum bought me a new top as a kid (I’m the youngest of 4), let alone one with my name on it.
Veggie Mama says
I felt bad for a bit that the baby’s journal is filled in only intermittently… and there are hardly any photos of her as a newborn, and no videos. then I remembered I was busy being with her, enjoying her and loving the moment. That’s all I need. If she cares at 21 I’ll tell her all about it xox
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
hmmmm yes everything in moderation. i’ve seen the idea of the pic in your post and thought like you – “great idea” but that’s it. I do have a art book for each child, but that is so I know where to shove a select few peices of artwork, certificats, photos that actually get developed etc….the grandparents get a little photo DVD at christmas of the kids for that year…and basically i just wing it for the rest. I don’t really record “milestone’s” although i do tend to blog a little bit about them….so perhaps when they are older and i strain my memory my blog will be here to fall back on. good one to think about though xx
Down that Little Lane says
I go mushy when I see them and wish i made the effort yet am moaning that we sorta have to do the Santa Photo EVERY year.. are our snap happy pics not enough?
Oh and tagging you tonight for a Christmas Wishlist.. I am curious xx
A Farmer's Wife says
Sometimes I feel people get to the stage that it is more about documenting the moment than living the moment. An event becomes more about the resultant facebook album, blog post etc than the event.
I love having photos of my kids – we look at their baby photos together and laugh. I think it can be taken too far though, I agree that their are some kids that are pretty quick to “strike a pose”. My favourite photos are often the more candid ones.
Interesting post. I like it.
Take care.
Coal Valley View says
This used to stress me out so much – seeing someone’s scrapbook and knowing I had 4 little kids in the house and not a single photo printed out, album done or scrapbook in sight. Images just sitting in my iPhoto waiting….. Until someone very important and very wise said it wasn’t important. Simple as that. I don’t worry anymore.
Having said that, as we are on our big trip I am taking lots of snaps but not at the expense of enjoying the moment or “living” as you say. In fact getting all the kids and the dog cooperating is near impossible anyway!
However, photography is a bit if a hobby for some and I’m finding blogging good for this as i can document our life a bit which will take the pressure off in retirement when I try and remember back!!
Mel xx
Rhonda says
I always take the photos but then forget to record when it was…so we still get the nostalgia of trying to figure it out! Also I hate posed pics…I’m more of a random snapper, usually when folks aren’t looking. I feel like that gets the true things, although of course I do ask people to “pause right there”, but I just want them to freeze, not turn and face the camera with their smiles. *sigh*
Pieni Lintu says
I don’t understand why people share photos of their kids in internet!! I’m not puplishing my or my kids faces in my blog! But this is just my opinion.