I think my ‘nasty streak’ (as my Mum always calls it, hi Mum!) has been let out to play a bit too much this week. A lot of bagging has been going on.
I bagged Pickle’s Mum when all she was trying to do was be nice. I bagged engagement photos when all people are trying to do is make something special to celebrate their love. I even boasted about calico bags.
And that’s just the bits I’ve written down on my blog.
I know we are all just a bundle of contrasts and complications, but sometimes I just want the nasty streak to go away. It would make life a little bit less interesting, but a whole lot more sweet. I want to be kind and thoughtful and considered in everything I do, not just some things.
It reminds me of all the contradictions that compete inside me every day. Some are big, some are little, but all are a source of great conflict. Sometimes I am paralysed by indecision because half of me wants something about as badly as the other half wants something else.
Outdoorsy / Homebody
Wordly / Naive
Social / Anti-social
Ecclectic / Minimalist
Creative / Rational
Neutral / Bohemian
Extrovert / Introvert
It means that often people have a perception of me that is only a little bit of me, not the whole me. My whole life I have been ‘surprising’ people. But the only real surprise is that I manage to get anything done at all.
Is this just what personality is?
Do you feel this way?
shine little light* says
I am so like this. You should see me trying to design a new kitchen – let alone throwing in a whole husbands opinion to contend with as well! (ps. it was totally time someone bagged engagements shoots though *maniacal laugh*) *s*
ClaireyHewitt says
This comment has been removed by the author.
ClaireyHewitt says
I am not sure how, but mostly, unless I feel really comfortable with the other person I am talking to, I have managed to not say things out loud.
But inside my head, the phrase rolling around and around and around is quite simple. WTF?
Lipgloss Mumma says
Conflicted here! Every. Day.
Anonymous says
I’m glad you said that because I only recently started following you and I was thinking of unfollowing because I was feeling like it was all a bit negative and didn’t seem to sit at all well under the happy header ‘Maxabella loves’… will give you some more time, ha! We all have our moments.
Sarann says
Ohhh I love this post. Yes I agree with everything here. I so often wish I could be less and more human!
Donna says
You’ve had a bit of upheaval in your life of late with the job change so its natural I think to feel this way. Give yourself time. We all know and love your spirit (and I am relieved you are only human, ha!) and you are free to be whatever you wish to be on your blog x
Vicky says
Bron you’re human. Your allowed to have conflicting days. Personally I like see this. Makes you all the more real. X
Kim H says
Oh my gosh, Bron, I think we are twins separated at birth!! You’ve just described me to a tee!!! I learnt so much about myself through reading that post. Scary….
But, I do think it’s good to be real and honest as well as reflective. so don’t go changin girl!
Deb @ home life simplified says
I think few of us are clear and exact in where we stand and who we are – we are mostly X with a touch of Y , or in the spring we feel A but come Winter we change into B.
I think since your blog is a reflection of your mind (you share musings and whatever catches your eye or attention)it is natural that some weeks you would push more buttons and others you might get extra sweet (birthday party post anyone?) You really have to take a person as a whole – warts and all for the long haul rather than a snippet of time.
alison says
Conflicting contradictions. Yes that just about sums me up. And your blog wouldn’t be you if you didn’t let the nasty streak out every now and then.
Sonia LifeLoveandHiccups says
Go easy on yourself gorgeous, your ability to say what is on your mind is one of the things we all love about you. I can at times be a walking talking contradiction, one minute I have a dent in my bum for sitting on the fence, the the next minute I am scrambling for paper towel to clean up the mess from all the crap that just spewed from my mouth.
I’m gonna get all philosophical on you now cause I like to do that every now and then between shopping sprees and drinking cocktails – there is no day without night, no dark without light therefore there is nobody real and true with out a naughty side and a nice side. I say let the naughty gal out every once in a while, it makes for a lot of fun and it must be awfully stifling in there for her being smothered by the nice gal all the time.
Oh shut up Sonia and go and order another fang dangle gadget online that you don’t really need!
Love ya Bron – don’t ever change xxxx
Megan Blandford says
Yep, one big conflict here too!
the textured leaf says
Thanks for writing about this! you just made me feel a whole heap of normal, honey. Trying out my american accent to hopefully lift my mood?!
Ive had the most conflicting week of my entire life and its still going but unlike yourself, I dont know how to ‘pen’ it.
Hope you are headed for the upside,
x
Miriam says
I have a friend who describes me as a ‘squiggly’. She says people are either straights or squigglies. (I think squigglies are a lot more fun even if we freak the straights out and we need them to make stuff happen in a systematic fashion) I think maybe you’re a squiggly too – embrace the unexpectedness I say! Makes life interesting :o)
Deb @ Bright and Precious says
Contradictions make us interesting and real. Your awareness of yours makes you wise and delightful! x
Down that Little Lane says
I am not sure If get conflicted much as I am too straight as Miriam put it but I do get confused by my own self so maybe thats confilction.. see?!.. I baffle my own bafflings x
Kate Sins says
That’s so funny, I didn’t even think of them as negative… Just…funny and interesting to read. We’re all big bags of conflicts… Such is life. And people.
Toni says
Well, I read back through those posts cos at the time I didn’t notice anything untoward (love that word) and I didn’t really this time, either. I expect if I was Pickles’ mum I might have been a bit annoyed, depending on how well she knows you.
The thing is, as long term readers (of ALL blogs) and writers will know, we DO sometimes strike the wrong tone without meaning to.
The written word conveys only a small percentage of communication and it’s REALLY easy to slip up.
There’s no spite in you, chook, or no more than the rest of us anyway.
And considerably less than some.
x
Squiggly Rainbow says
I think I feel a bit like that when I am depressed, which this week I am not, but ask me next week! xx (:
Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky says
I think most of us are a bundle of contradictions, we are complex beings, us humans. I know I have felt like I have more than one personality at times. Sometimes it gives me the shits, but for the most part it makes life more interesting, in a good way 🙂
MummyateMe says
I’m so clear inside my own head, but everyone else is confusing and confused and that makes me feel confused, which makes me irritated with everyone! Such is life, I think.
Posie Patchwork says
This is why i’m so freaking content with JUST being a mum & i don’t mean that in a ‘being a mum is a singular job or small job’ but i don’t have to be anything other than 100% me, for my husband & children . . . i blog exactly the way i am, i don’t have to be business woman, P&C martyr, sports coach, nothing other than wife & mother & i tell you, it’s extremely uncomplicated, i’ve never been happier & it’s one personality trait all the time – whatever that is that makes me me. That me is ridiculously optimistic, just as i was as a child. Possibly why i’m running towards my 20th school reunion later this year as i’m still completely the same person i always was.
I once opened up about how unwelcome my father-in-law makes me feel when i visit him or stay with him & got the most GOD awful comment, a long comment, it was pathetic as all i wanted to scream back was ‘can’t you tell i was hurting’ & i was so not being a bitch, but that is how that commenter (anonymous of course, weak arse) so i just thought “your loss, you clearly don’t get me or my situation” & let it go, but that is precisely me, optimistic!! Love Posie
MultipleMum says
I quite dig your nasty side. x
Shelley says
I have been wanting to write a post for weeks now about what a contradiction I am to myself each and every day. Part of that comes from the fact that I am easily led, so I will think one thing, but somebody will sway me to their opinion and then I’m left thinking hang on! What a contradiction I am!! I’ve come to the conclusion that life is a contradiction, and that’s just the way it is. xx
Cheryl Roth says
The state of humanity is in conflict, why shouldn’t you be? Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves, but then we have loved ones who like us just the way we are. I am a living contradiction as well, born on the cusp, it makes it harder to understand myself. But you are a lovely person and the responses to your posts prove it. We’re born with faults on purpose, it gives us something to work on.
Karen @ Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow's says
Bron love, go easy on yourself.. You are allowed to be YOU!! That’s what makes us human and interesting and that’s what I LOVE about your Blog… Conflict away and little inner bitch (better lack of words) out when you want.. I do and so does everyone else xox
Rhonda says
seriously I feel like this every single day. one half going one way and the other have in the opposite direction.
loulouloves.me says
I think everyone has a bit of oxymoron in them!
happylan says
“If being neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at the same time then I’m as neurotic as hell!” – Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar. = the story of my life. It can be difficult being a walking contradiction – but it is interesting!
Carli @ Tiny Savages says
Loved this Bron. It can be difficult to write diplomatically all the time if you’re a little on the opinionated side (like me). I think most of us have a bit of an edge and it’s okay to let that out from time to time x
Kelly Exeter says
These conflictions (I know this is not a word!) are what makes you so interesting Bron!! Don’t try to stamp them out!
I find myself constantly drawn to people like you because I love that you say what you think. Maybe it’s because I am just the world’s greatest fence sitter, with no massively strong opinions in any direction. Other than gay marriage. FFS, why are we even still debating the right and wrong of that in 2012?
I digress.
With regard to your ‘nasty’ streak – I don’t think you have a nasty streak at all. You share your strong opinions, but NEVER with the intent to cause hurt. You are simply making observations 🙂 Sometimes they make me laugh, sometimes they make me go ‘eek, Bron!’ but ALWAYS, they make me think. And never do I think “oh that’s just mean”.
Danielle Quarmby says
I feel conflicted a lot of the time. Right now I’m having a hell of a time trying to write out my conflict, yet censor myself as if it was the light of day.
The honesty in being a bit mean, sometimes, actually makes you vulnerable. It’s honest despite. Brave, actually. Possibly not admirable though. But then it is, because it’s honest and real and normal. I’m actually a bit confused at the minute so I’m not sure what I mean.
Jodie Ansted says
Honestly? If I didn’t ‘know’ you, and hadn’t been following your blog for so long, I’d probably call you ‘judgey’. But I know you’re just being honest, and saying a lot of stuff that other people are thinking but wouldn’t express, because they’d be worried about what people would think of them. But no one could ever accuse you of holding back or not being ‘real’. So keep being real! There’s nothing wrong with filtering at times, but to be honest is a very good thing.
xox
The Coffee Lady says
But I love a snarky blog. The other day, I went around trying to find some new blogs to liven up my blogroll, and they were without exception all happy and blowsy and cheery and endless and I sat there, feeling like the only miserable cow on god’s green earth.
Human beings like you (and me, OBVIOUSLY) should be the only people allowed to do this.