Walking to school yesterday we bumped into two girls from Cappers’ class, Clipclop*and Lucy**.
“Hi Clipclop!” Cappers exclaimed excitedly. While they squealed and did some complicated happy dance followed by an even more complicated hand thingy involving singing about coconuts and punching each other on the arm, I waited.
“Um, HIIIIII Lucy,” said pointedly, nudging Cappers and trying not to make eye-contact with Lucy’s mum.
Nothing from the Cappers.
“Well hello there Luuuu-oo-oo-cy,” I said, all sunshine and light and adding a little chuckle and an arm punch for Lucy as the situation was getting seriously awkward.
Nothing from the Cappers.
“Cappers, a word,” I said dragging her away from her new-best-friend Clipclop.
“What?” she said rudely. “Whaddido?”
‘
“Firstly, don’t speak to your darling mother in that tone of whine and secondly, why didn’t you say hello to Lucy?”
“I didn’t want to.”
“It’s not polite to say hello to one person and not to the other.”
“But I like Clipclop, I don’t like Lucy.”
Oh Cappers, I thought. Oh you.
“It’s a nice thing to do, Cappers,” I explained. “Even if you don’t like someone, it doesn’t hurt you to be kind and say hello and wish them a good day.”
“It does hurt, actually. If I say hi she’ll think I like her and if she thinks I like her she might want to talk to me and then I’ll have to listen and that would hurt.”
Oh Cappers. Oh you.
“Listening doesn’t actually physically hurt anyone, by the way, but more to the point, I would like you to be kind to Lucy and say hello when we go back over there. It’s the right thing to do. No one likes to be the one left out.”
“If she wasn’t so awful, she wouldn’t be left out.”
Thinking, kid’s got a point, I said “Cappers, there’s no time for me to compose a stern lecture on a.) being a mean girl and b.) being a smart arse, so let’s just go over there and say hi to Lucy and get our day off to the right kind of start, okay?”
She stomped back over. “Hi Lucy,” she mumbled. “I hope you have a really nice day today but don’t talk to me, okay?”
Oh Cappers.
* Not her real name. I hope that was obvious.
** Also not her real name. Not as obvious this time.
Emily says
Oh Cappers. Oh you! Priceless. And yes. Ashleigh’s only two and we’re already having these ‘I can’t argue with your point’ conversations. x
Miss Pink says
Ahhh to be a child again.
You can’t fault her on her logic, even if you want her to not be the mean girl she has a point.
Do you think you would have been so worried about Capper’s actions if Lucy’s mother weren’t there? I find a lot of the pressure for me is when there are other parents there judging.
Yeah it sucks if my kid is ignorant to another child, but at the same time if that child is an asshole to him I understand why he wouldn’t want to be their friend/acknowledge them. I’ve told him over and over if someone is mean to him and doesn’t stop when he asks to not be their friend until he thinks they can be nice. It’s something I would be more than expecting from other children if he were being nasty and not stopping when asked.
I do like that you told her it’s nice to say hi to everyone in the group and not just the kids that she likes. Treat others how you would like to be treated hey?
ClaireyHewitt says
This is a new one for me too.
Had a similar conversation at dancing only to be told that ‘Lucy’ had been a major bulky all week at school and Popps did not want her near her at dancing. But of course Lucy had no friends at dancing and wanted to be buddies all of a sudden.
What’s a Mum to do? I decided to stay out of it that week.
joeh says
You know in their world she has a point. Lucy hasn’t yet learned to tell the differance between socialy polite and “I want to play with you.” If Cappers is nice to her she will be burdoned all day with a friend she dosn’t want.
Both sides need to learn to play the “polite” game.
Loved this post!
Cranky Old Man
Sam says
Ah, yes, we had an awkward moment a couple of days ago, when my little 6yo man was entering the classroom & said to his friend, “sorry but my mum said (let’s say his name’s Fred) you’re hypo and distracting me in class so I can’t play with you”. Just for the record, I never said he couldn’t play with Fred, just to move away when his Fred was being silly, needless to say we had to have a talk later,which basically went like this..”what is said at home stays at home!!!” Hopefully that will cover all bases in future. It’s a difficult age π
Sam says
To add to the above, I really do not know how to handle these awkward moments(obviously), I guess it’s something we have to move through, part of the journey! Think you handled this as well as one could, and you’re heart’s in the right place:)
Down that Little Lane says
Classic, peeing my pants laughing and re reading to husby with my voices for you both…
They have no idea but they sort of don’t need to yet as quite frankly her logic is correct she just needs to remember to play ball in front of parentals and the rest wil come with age .
Love her work.. Smart arse…where did that come from Bron?
Toni says
I’m trying to teach my kids that they don’t have to play with a kid they don’t like, but they do have to be polite about it. No-one wants to live in a world where we’re all just rude to each other.
I just really wish other parents would teach their children that they can’t force their company on anyone.
We have an Annoying Whiny Neighbour Child who just can’t accept “Oh hello Tom (polite) – no, I don’t want to play with you, sorry (firm)” and will stand there and argue till he’s blue in the face.
Cappers is right — some kids won’t take no for an answer.
Shelley says
The logic gets me every time. My standars response seems to be “um yes, but..” I need to think up a better one!
Mum on the Run says
He he he.
I know I probably shouldn’t be laughing…
π xx
Nat - Muddy Farmwife says
Priceless, just priceless. And she does have a point unfortunately.
We struggle with social niceties in our house. Shyness is our killer, my 3 girls are so shy they put their head down and won’t talk back when people are talking to them or say hello. I think it’s now become habit more than shyness, as we are constantly talking about being polite and using manners when talking to others, surely it’s penetrating their brains!
MultipleMum says
Tell her Auntie Coo insists she say hi to Lucy tomorrow. Little Minx.
But I do agree with Cranky above. Just because you say hello doesn’t mean you want to be best friends. Lucy needs to learn that, just as Cappers needs to learn to play nice x
Rebecca Grey says
Oh that is gold! School yard politics sure starts young these days doesn’t it?
Lou says
Gosh Bron, Girl’s got spunk! (I love that)
This sort of thing has already become a bit of a bone of contention in our household, what with the fickleness of three year old spouting off lines like ‘she’s not my best friend’ *already*
I’m finding it hard when my child prefers one kid over another, for whatever reason but I’m really good friends with both of their mums. Can’t we just all get along?!
Cue violins.
Lou says
Ugh, be kind to atrocious grammar above…I’m waaaaay sleep deprived!
jody says
Love it! But thankfully I’m not at that stage yet.
And look at that face, how gorgeous!! xx
Mez says
Absolute classic!!! Sometimes I wish we could be as honest as kids!
Rhonda says
I’m sorry but I laughed! I love kids so much. Maybe we should all be so honest instead of fake friendy? Not that just saying hello is fake friendy…but oh you get me.
Elisa {with grace and eve} says
Oh I laughed! Only because I’m not at that stage yet! I think you handled that so very well! x
Trudie says
So these are the future discussions I’ve got to prepare myself for in the next few years. I’ll happily take the ” but why” questions for now.
Ellie at Emerald Pie says
Oh yes these situations make me laugh. Not when its me and my DD is the one refusing to talk, but when I hear other mothers having similar problems then it makes it easier to laugh at ours. They grow out of it. Kind of… π
Megan Blandford says
I can totally relate to Cappers! I was like that as a kid – it felt fake to be nice to someone I didn’t like and I just wanted to live honestly. When my parents tried to explain with something like, ‘Treat others how you want to be treated’ I’d think, ‘But I AM!’ I didn’t want people being nice to me for niceness’ sake either. To this day I’d still prefer someone tell me to get lost rather than force niceness.
simona says
yeah, the fine line between honesty and tact needs to be learned π
Jenny says
Eep. I forgot these sort of conversations are ahead of me. Hopefully a LONG way ahead.
The Mommist says
The kid’s got a good point there but then kindness should supersede all. π
http://themommist.blogspot.com/
Sonia LifeLoveandHiccups says
I’m sorry is it wrong that I am laughing – not at poor lucy’s crushed ego, just that kids can be so bloody honest and its refreshing and sometimes I have to say I am so envious of the way they just say what they are thinking without sending too long dwelling on what they are going to say and what could possibly go haywire π x