You’ve no doubt heard of Lenore Skenazy of Free-Range Kids. I love her.
You know how sometimes you’re absolutely sure of the rightness of something. When I heard about Lenore’s quest to give her kids some independent breathing space, I just knew she was right. She’s right that children deserve independence. She’s right that being responsible is a necessary part of growing up. She’s right that the world isn’t necessarily any more dangerous than it ever was. She’s right that parents today are so convinced that something is going to happen to their child that kids are growing up feeling like they’ve done something wrong.
And why wouldn’t they? Many parents are so fearful of ‘something happening’ to their child they box them up inside their schools and homes like criminals. Leonore sites the example of a parent who won’t even let her children collect mail from the mailbox in their own front yard.
It’s not just the fear of abduction. Parents are fearful of their children getting run over, falling over, being maimed, trampled, bullied, getting lost, getting hit by a sniper bullet…. They watch their children every minute of every day and usually a few times during the night too. They schedule so many indoor ‘extra curricular’ activities that the poor child is surrounded by four walls from the minute they wake up until the minute they go to sleep.
Can you imagine living like that*?
I choose to believe that the world is a safe and loving place. Not everything in the world, but most of it. We’ve educated the Tsunamis from infancy about what is dangerous and what is not. We didn’t ‘babyproof’ the house (although we’re not unsafe: we used gates at the stairways before they got the hang of stairs and certain antics by The Badoo forced me to buy those plugs for the electricity outlet because, well, she’s The Badoo). We practice crossing the road together safely every single time. We’re quiet in the car when the traffic gets heavy. We would never go into a public toilet alone. We know that strangers are usually friends, but we don’t talk to them unless a grown-up we know is also listening.
Now, marry Leonore’s rightness with Richard Louv’s Last Child in the Wood rightness and you’ve pretty much got our parenting style. The Tsunamis are lucky enough to live in a house surrounded on three sides by national park and reserve. They explore the reserve around our house and their own imaginations every day. They make mud pies and throw them at each other. They dig for worms and herd ants into houses made from sticks. Clambering over large sandstone boulders, climbing up swaying trees, reaching the top to call down to mum “you look like a barbie doll’ (why, thank you my children). I let them roam. They’re free-range, organic children with skinned knees and grubby faces – just the way nature intended.
Of course, every now and then I call out to them and they know they must call back immediately. If they don’t Barbie will come tearing up that reserve so fast you’d swear she’d been shot from a cannon… Afterall, I’m free-range, not neglectful!
* Oh, wait a minute, I have a corporate job…
Gifts of Serendipity says
Loving it!!!
Excellent advice from a clever bean.
x Felicity
life in a pink fibro says
Love those free-range tsunamis. x
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Oh, that sounds utterly blissful. I’m trying to be less of a helicopter – but boy it’s tough.
Rachel says
Thanks you just made me feel human again….. not a neglectful mother ….
Jess says
Ahhh – I hope my kids can grow up like this. Free range, organic knock abouts. We live in inner city Melbourne so its not quite the same as your backyard but I agree, there is an absolute tendency these days to over-parent our poor kidlets! I cringe when I see parents at the local park telling there poor pre-teens to get down from the tree “because its very dangerous”
Gill@OurParklife says
Thanks for this post – it is good to be reminded of these thoughts…
Have you read “Toxic Childhood” by Sue Palmer? She talks about this kinda stuff too and its an interesting read….
We moved to Margaret River at end of 2008, partly to give our boys a chance to be a little more “free range!”
It sounds like you live in a really beautiful place!
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
Great post.
This sounds very much like the childhood in Ireland my husband talks about. Even tho I always lived in the suburbs, my parents were far more relaxed too. I’m getting a bit better at letting the kids venture out more, but I still worry about traffic and the like (our street is very busy during school hours, because we’re on the same street as the school). But they now sometimes walk to school and back again, and they love the feeling of independence. I mean, when I was a kid, I walked at the same age and I had to cross a fairly busy road with a bus route on it!
I don’t want to be a helicopter parent. Trying not to!
Your place sounds beautiful. x
Wanderlust says
I’ve heard about that book, Last Child in the Woods. I’ve been wanting to read it. My aunt recommended it to me. We have some woods that back up to our house and our kids love to play there and I grew up running free in the woods behind our home. I agree, kids don’t know what it is to explore and be little scientists anymore.
jazzygal says
Hi there… visiting from Jen’s Blog Gems!
What a fabulous childhood your tsunamis are enjoying and what memories you are helping to create.
I am slowly realising that I have to start letting go a little. Not that my guy is totally wrapped up in cotton wool or anything!
great post.
xx Jazzy
@jencull (jen) says
I read about this recently, ‘Helicopter Parenting’ where the parents hover all the time, it was interesting. It was also interesting to me because I have started to let my 8 yo walk to school (8 mins away) on his own and he loves the independence of it, but I know there are people who don’t approve. Like Jazzy said, great memories for your children and that is so important, they can’t be made later on:) Jen