I’ve been thinking a lot about excuses lately. All the reasons why we can’t do something; all the reasons why we won’t. This week I’ve heard reams of excuses from parents who can’t / won’t help out at the school. From colleagues who can’t / won’t meet a deadline. From the Tsunamis who can’t / won’t do their homework, have a bath, eat their dinner, forgodsakegotobed. But mostly excuses uttered by myself for one reason or another. I even make excuses for why I’m making excuses.
The more I think about it, the more I’m thinking only one thing about excuses any more.
Excuses suck.
I was particularly interested in the list of excuses that followed my friend’s recent statement: “I want to be happy, but…” I want to be happy, but. Have you ever heard a more poignant statement?
After a long and involved conversation, all the reasons why she can’t / won’t be happy came down to these:
1. I don’t have time (to be happy)
2. My children are too needy (for me to be happy)
3. I’m too fat (to be happy)
4. I’m addicted to TV so I can’t spend as much time doing the things I love (so I can’t be happy)*
We both agreed: excuses really suck. You might have also met their close cousin ‘If Only’. Both are just self-delusion in a pointless disguise. A way to disown responsibility because if you think you don’t have control over something then it’s not your fault if you fail.
I’m challenging myself to own my actions and stop making excuses. Rather than palming things off with a ‘because’ or an ‘if only,’ I’m going to dig deeper and find out the real reasons why I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I want to be in the position where instead of making excuses, I’m making statements.
* My personal favourite.
[Image via weheartit]
Tara @ Mum-ments says
I make excuses alot but i’ve been working hard to try and stop it was getting me no where i wasnt happy and i wasnt making progress with anything.
I think its something we learn from a young age so its a hard habit to break but i think if we can not make an excuse just once a day we are doing pretty good
xxx
Diminishing Lucy says
I push a lot od lame excuses aside these days.
I didn’t always.
Now, my train of thought is generally “What do I need to do to feel good?”
This works for all of us. Me, him, them. And negates excuses.
xx
amberlee says
i am hopeless the last week, excuses galore! I think i do it to try and convince myself its ok… Tomorrow is no excuses days.. i hope!
therhythmmethod says
I read this but had to go away and think about it.
I have always tried to do the minimum to get by. To live this way, you have to have a whole repertoire of excuses at your disposal.
I eventually realised I did this, and that it was stopping me from living my best life. So now, I sit and look my ugly excuses in the eye. And I try to figure out what I’m hiding from. And then I make myself face the fear.
Let’s just say it’s a work in progress. But there is no room for excuses in my life now. We all deserve better than a life wrapped up in excuses.
Great post x
wendy hill says
Sooo.. ive come to confession here again?
Im with AmberLee. Can tomorrow be no-excuses day?
I read a saying over at Etsy tonight, ‘women who behaved never made history’ which has absolutely nothing to do with anything in here only that I recalled it as I read this soooo…. maybe… it has something to do with me at this time. hmmm
Another reflective insightful post, I love coming in here, x
Sarah says
This is something I’ve been working on lately. The excuses thing. I no longer qualify statements and I am becoming far more assertive about many things. Except getting fit. Because I’m still getting over the flu 😉
Marion Williams-Bennett says
Working on this too.
Before making excuses, I ask myself..
What do I really WANT to do? What is right for me?
It gives me the power to comfortably say no.
Jodie Ansted says
Something I have to work on all the time, because I’m a great procrastinator, and I’m always justifying why I’m not doing something..hence, making excuses for myself.
Bad.
Thanks for the kick start. This week I shall endeavour not to make excuses! Pinky swear.
xxx
Toni says
Back when I used to love Dr Phil, before he turned into a plonker, I really loved it when he said to people, “So is that your victim story?”
Excuses turn you into a victim.
KristiMcMurry says
You are so wise. I make excuses occasionally, but I’ve gotten A LOT better. I’ve realized that a lot of the “i would do this but..” things are just ridiculous.
IAMJOROSS says
I make a lot of excuses especially on things like social stuffs. I never doubted myself to be a nerd/crazy/strange teen but that’s probably the reason why I make those excuses. And yeah, Im trying to avoid being caught up to have so much attention on..,
ms. freelancer says
i made a decision this weekend after watching the movie letters to God. i told myself to stop excuses and don’t waste time clinging to something that pulls me away from being happy. =)
Rhi@FlourChild says
I think I make too many excuses… not to other people, only ever to myself. Mine are all about eating, learning a language (which I HAVE to learn since I am living in it..), and spending time online… Hmmm. I guess at least I know exactly what my excuses are about, so I should try to stop them. Great post Maxabella!
x
Kelly says
I definitely am one for the excuses but mainly only where it actually affects me and my day. I am really trying to change that, the mindset that I am/was in and to just get it done – whatever it is that I was putting off, or finding excuses for. I admit to relapsing last week but am determined to get back on top of it now…this week…today!
Daisy, Roo and Two says
Oh I am always making excuses and need to stop. Love this post!
Felicity says
What I enjoyed most about this is that you can read the word excuse two ways.
You accidentally bump into someone = “Excuse me.”
or/
“I really should have been watching where I was going.” = excuse
So I wonder what the line between an excuse and an excuse me are?
Megan Blandford says
I’m not very good with excuses. I have a very low tolerance, with myself and others. If I hear someone say they wish they could do something, or they’re not happy, or things are okay BUT… I go into a rant about changing things.
And yes, sometimes I need to listen to my own rants more!
Miss Pink says
I need to step on this with you. Not so much that I make an excuse, I make plans to get what I want, but I just never follow through. It’s like as soon as the plan is made it leaves my mind lately. Very frustrating!
But more than anything I need to work out what exactly it is that I want.
I hope you are able to find your happiness without excuses.
Caz Makepeace says
I hate excuses! They are so disempowering.
I try my hardest to never make them and if i do then I quickly find a way to get rid of them.
change will never come and lives will never improve with excuses.
I get really annoyed when people excuse Kalyra’s tantrums as being she is only 3. Yes, she is. But that doesn’t mean she can’t learn right from wrong and that there are better choices that can be made.
I have been going through a really challenging time lately with some people in my life who will not take any responsibility for anything they have said and done.They keep making excuses and blaming others.
the solution is so simple. Take ownership for what you’ve done. Admit your mistakes and move on. Done and dusted.
Now i have to work on just letting it go and getting rid of the excuse I am using to let it ruin my happiness and sense of peace!!
Cathy says
I probably do…I think most people do. I think most do it without even realising they are doing it…
Vanessa says
I heard the line a few years ago, that happiness is a choice. It is true.
Alice Becomes says
My efforts into being “more present” are helping me kick the the excuses habit. Excuses are just like any other bad habit really, aren’t they? My partner is not one for excuses at all. I think after all this time together his ‘Get on with it, Suck it up and Do something about it” mantra has finally rubbed off on me. It is liberating really, to take responsibility for my own emotions/situations/actions. It is actually a lot easier than trying to come up with plausible excuses! …Gill xo
Becky says
I think I make a lot of excuses without even realising I’m doing it.
Great post, I love that it’s making me think about these things that I normally just let happen x
Scotty Lover says
I find that as soon as I use but statements I am finding a way out…yes an excuse…
eg I need to lose weight, but my feet and back are buggered.
I try not to use but statements!!!!
I also don’t accept them from the kids (when possible)
I keep telling myself “suck it up princess!!”
Love your blog
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
A wonderful, thought provoking post. Excuse me whilst I ponder…
Newmumma says
I need to stop making excuses about food choices and exercise.
Get some motivation mumma 🙂
xx
Catherine says
This is a loaded topic! I used to make a lot of excuses until I realized that I anything I wanted to do or get done I did. I was making excuses to try and make myself feel better- which really just wastes everyone’s time.
Now I may apologize but I don’t offer an excuse. Even to myself- as in why I don’t do yoga anymore. No excuses, I just don’t and beating myself up over it won’t make it better.
emma @ frog, goose and bear says
Great post (again!). I’ve been a lot more aware of this lately. I find myself making excuses far more than I like.
Hi I'm Rhonda. says
Excellent post. I think I’m going to take a page from your book and really look my excuses in the face. Stop making excuses and just tell the real reason of why I don’t want to or can’t do something.