You can’t move these days without having to battle through the waft of nostalgia that lingers everywhere. We parents grew up in Utopia, you see. Booted out of the house at sunrise, we were left to independent-play in the streets, connect-with-nature and forge new friendships with kids across a diversity of socio-economic backgrounds … or something like that. All I know is that back in the seventies/eighties the street lamps coming on must have meant a mass migration of children across the ‘burbs that would rival wildebeest on the African plain.
Today’s kids aren’t like that, of course. Those free-wheeling, suburb-conquering, bush-whacking kids grew up to be the kind of parents who won’t let their eight year old venture into the front yard to collect the mail. The kind of parents who still hold their 10 year old’s hand when they cross the busy cul-de-sac. Whether through fear that our children are in genuine danger, or fear that we’ll be judged for not caring enough that they might be, parents no longer allow their children the run of the streets. We don’t really allow them the run of anything much at all.
White van man
About four times a year a rumour goes around our school about a man in a white van casing for kids as they walk home from school. Every now and then the rumour will grow into a child being approached and once there was discussion about a child actually being snatched (no one knew exactly which kid it was). No one knows why it’s always a white van, no one knows why a person is necessarily wanting to snatch a child off the street in a white van, but the rumour runs rampant like an invasive weed. That white van is why a lot of parents in my area don’t want their kids playing in the streets.
I don’t believe in the white van, or at least, I don’t believe it’s doing quarterly rounds of our suburb. I might be wrong and one day my kids might get brutally snatched off our quiet street by a scout for a child pornography ring, but I don’t think so. I’m willing to risk that something that random and that awful might happen if it means that for their whole childhood my kids feel a sense of freedom, independence and belonging.
Not for a second do I have my head buried in the sand about what wicked things can happen to beautiful children for no apparent reason, but I don’t live my own life worrying about the ‘what ifs’ and I’m certainly not going to allow my children to live their childhood in such an isolating manner.
Keeping kids dependent
It’s natural (and entirely instinctive) for parents to want to protect children from whatever it is they need protecting from. Every cell in our bodies screeches at us every single day to wrap our kids up tightly and strap them to our side and never let them go. Keep the doors locked, don’t talk to strangers, don’t go anywhere alone, don’t answer the phone, don’t, don’t, don’t.
The ‘cotton wool’ or ‘helicopter’ style of parenting is actually the easiest parenting route of them all, but possibly the most ineffective. Keeping kids dependent and fearful robs them of their childhood. That’s a big statement, I know, but childhood is all about growth and self-learning and kids can’t really do that unless they’re given the opportunity to think for themselves and, more importantly, do for themselves. I swear the white van was invented by our suburb (and lots of other suburbs) to give parents a neat excuse for not facing up to what we’re all really terrified of – our kids growing up and not needing us.
Kids looking out for each other
The fact is, when it comes to playing in the streets, I’m not worried about that one white van – I’m more worried about a lot of white vans. Whether you live in the country or the city, traffic is significantly higher than it was in the ’70s and ’80s and so are driver distractions.
Talking on mobile phones, texting, rushing to beat the clock and the general stress of modern-day life means that kids playing in the streets need to be cannier and more responsible than ever before. They need to be vigilant and sensible in a way that’s hard to do when you’re right in the middle of an awesome game of dodge ball. Every kid needs to be watching out for every other kid and they need to agree a system of alerts and alarms that will keep them all safe. They need to be prepared to call each other out if someone isn’t playing by the agreed rules.
Read those last few sentences again … are you feeling me? I can’t even write those sentences without wanting to boot my kids out into the street immediately. Kids looking out for each other, learning responsibility, standing up for themselves … it’s the stuff that parental dreams are made of. When we give children the space to work things out on their own, they surprise us every time. When we let them see each other and play with each other in an informal setting that they can regulate themselves (they need never be aware that mum was watching the whole time), they surprise us even more.
A childhood worth getting nostalgic about
Out on the streets, kids can rule the world and absolutely, positively do. Freed from the constraints of fences and traditional boundaries, they learn how to use a well-known and loved environment in increasingly creative ways. Our neighbourhood kids built a wall using old bricks, stones and some mud concoction they stirred together, the ingredients of which are a closely guarded secret (mostly because no one knows what they threw in there).
Sure, that wall will probably fall down and someone might get hurt, but it’s only three bricks high and the benefits far outweigh the ‘what ifs’. They worked out how to build that wall all on their own and their initiative and perseverance is admirable: they were out there most afternoons, slaving away, chattering and screeching away loud enough to annoy the cockatoos.
This community of kids is an odd bunch of ages, talents and interests, just kids from up and down the street and a few streets over. They don’t play with each other at school; I sometimes wonder if they even acknowledge each other. Rather these kids seem come together regularly to work on extraordinary things. Just out there, in the street, building a wall and a wonderful childhood.
What’s the white van that keeps your kids inside?
Jo @Countrylifeexperiment says
I love this. There is a blog called Free Range Kids that I follow which has this principle at its core. Our kids are very free range. Living on a farm, they have no choice but to help out at times, and they get to do lots of things by themselves. They ride their bikes to the gate to catch the bus, help with the animal etc. Right now we are about to teach the 7 year old to drive a quad bike.
Funnily enough, all our friends from the city think that we are super lucky to have all this space, and tell us how we can let our kids play because they won’t be kidnapped.
I point out to them, that there was very little chance of them being kidnapped even when we were in Sydney. If we were is Sydney the kids would still be riding their bikes to school by themselves, and playing out in the street with the neighbours kids, because that’s how it should be! Unfortunately we have a 24 hour newscycle that pumps out bad and unusual stories, social media that lets us know what is happening in every corner of the globe in real time, and a community who is so risk adverse. Consequently we believe our kids are in danger constantly, and that if an adult isn’t there, then the kids are being neglected.
Can you tell I’m a little passionate about this???
Maxabella says
Very and that’s a very good thing! It’s actually quite alarming how secure people think kids are just because a ‘grown up’ is present anyway. I tell them, “all your presence really does is make you bear witness.” x
Mother Down Under says
Ha ha…I actually remember the “white van” from my own childhood.
And being scared while I waited at the school bus stop…notice my parents weren’t scared enough to drive me to school!
Maxabella says
I have come to the conclusion that a little bit of fear in childhood does us the world of good. Little bit. x
Holly says
So so so true! How will they learn to keep themselves safe otherwise?! Fantastic post!
Maxabella says
Independence, responsibility, imagination, confidence, initiative, resilience… so many things we have to learn all on our own. x
Life With The Crew says
Okay, so I know this was not meant to be a humorous post, but when I saw the phrase “white van man” I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about and laughed out loud! And I’m on the other side of the WORLD! How do these rumors and urban myths travel?? I distinctly remember when I was in elementary school, about a guy in a white van, a “perv van” who we had to watch out for when we walked home from school. I swear he was following me one day when I was riding my bike to my grandparent’s house, a long distance of 5 minutes away! On a serious note – it is a hard thing – you want to protect them, but they do have to learn a bit on their own and take some risks that hopefully you have prepared them for.
Maxabella says
The white van man is international! Who knew! (And don’t worry, there is definitely humour in this post.) x
Lisa says
This is the reason we left the city, we wanted our kids to be free range & have a similar childhood to us. The only white van problem I have is that my 21/2 year old thinks he has the same abilities as my 4 & 6 yr old. So I am a little worried about the unfenced water canal opposite our home. When he gets older, the kids will have more freedoms for sure. My cousin married a man who drove a white van, he is actually a nice guy! haha
Maxabella says
I wasn’t confident with the kids around water until all 3 could swim. Water changes me from free-range to cage, no doubt about it. x
Kathy says
I love it and am feeling very nostalgic. I remember the cubby houses of our childhood – built from a blanket thrown over a couple of saw horses with rocks on top to keep the blanket from blowing off, and no qualms about playing in it. Unfortunately we don’t have a whole lot of kids in our street and it’s a street with lots of fences and gates. When we invite kids around I love watching the imagination come to life in ways they don’t do on their own.
Maxabella says
Sometimes we just need to bring the ‘street’ home! x
Lila says
I remember the white van rumours when I was a kid, it didn’t stop us walking to and from school. I started my older ones walking to school on their own once the oldest had enough road sense and peripheral vision. When we were in Adelaide they navigated public transport to school just fine.
Hopefully with Eve it will be the same, although with her impulsiveness it might be more of a challenge.
Maxabella says
It really does home down to the individual child. Some kids seem to be born street-smart. Others will probably never get there! x
Nicole- Champagne and Chips says
Oh yes! I completely agree with this. I think I would be a dreadful parent though. I know that I would be the type to wrap in cotton wool and then surround in polystyrene just to be on the safe side.
Maxabella says
That absolutely would not make you a dreadful parent, Nicole. That’s the instinct for all parents… but I fight it. Some instincts just aren’t the right ones. x
Erin says
Whilst some parents have a very real fear of dangers (from various ‘white vans’ fears) sometimes we may not allow our children to be as free range as we really believe they should due to peer judgement, well and lets face it the wider world judgement. Judgement has crippled many of those kids of the 70/80s from allowing their/our children the freedom that we enjoyed, it is very strong.
Maxabella says
Not living how they want to live because of judgement of others is almost worse than not doing so out of the white-van fear… x
Erin says
But I venture to say that many mamas probably at some stage have caved to peer pressure of various forms at some stage. I admit I did for periods when I wasn’t as confident, never fit me though for long. ‘Nother post idea for you;)
Romi says
I love this post, so much about the hysteria fear is true and it makes me sad that we don’t have these independant children around – did you see that ABC show ‘life at 9’ a couple of months ago? only a very small number of the children (who were 9) had ever walked to the corner shop and purchased an icecream on their own! It made me contemplate how free we were at the same age and to resolve to teach them the skills and set them out there!
Our challenge at the moment is we live on acreage so the street is VERY long to the other children!
Great post. (as always!) X